EP 82: Teen Mental Health, Social Media & Feeling Alone with Jada Lauren

SPEAKER_01 0:00

But I think the biggest issue is sometimes parents. They overbook their children with high school activities. I have so many of my friends, they're in sports every season, and then their parents expect them to work a job. And it's just unrealistic with that on top of school.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

When you're programming your child now to be so busy to never have any downtime, then you're programming them for life. Welcome back to Not Alone with Melissa Sue Methfin. Why I love podcasting is because I'm able to give a voice to people that have an empowering story that can inspire others. And today my guest is gonna inspire youth, which I think they truly need right now, because so many of them are kind of lost, disconnected. And this will provide them inspiration that they can believe they can do some hard things. And it doesn't matter how old they are and when they can start. So I am so honored to have Jada here today, who is an author who's now written her first book, Dear Tomorrow, and is in the process of writing your second book. Yes. Oh, I love that. And I would love to know kind of the Jada, what got you inspired to write this book?

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Um, I think I've always had a few authors in my family. Um, my mom's an author, my grandma's an author, and my aunt is an author full-time. And so I've kind of been around the writing process a little bit in my life. But also as a kid, I always loved to read. I think I would read at least one book a day, like the Magic Treehouse books. Oh, I love those. My son gives those books. Yes. So I think I just read a lot and I kind of realized like I like to read on my own, but I kind of lost the love for it with school because they like I don't like to read if it's forced to read for criteria or grades. But I kind of just started writing on my own in school in my free time, and I realized how much I actually love to write as long as well with reading. So I think that's kind of how I got started.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

And did you write mostly like real stories or fictional, or did you write kind of journaling?

SPEAKER_01 2:10

Like, um, I kind of started it with journaling, and then I realized the type of book I wanted to write first. So this one is the diary entry style, and so I took bits and pieces of when I was actually writing it. So I'd be in a coffee shop and then I'd write something about what was happening that day. And so I think it was cool. Bits and pieces of like me writing it were real, but a lot of it is fiction as well.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

It's fiction as well. So kind of maybe is it connecting to you as a youth as well, and kind of what it's going on in your mind and what you're feeling in this world that I feel right now, young minds are kind of feeling maybe disconnected and so much pressures, you know. There's so many outside pressures now with things that I was not raised with. You know, I didn't have social media, I didn't have where you know we're always, you know, on the phone or we're comparing ourselves as much. And so I think nowadays this is so prevalent for the youth. Even it's it's hard to even avoid because I see it with my own kids uh at school. They require them to, you know, be on a computer, be on the tablets, and that's how they get a lot of their works done. And and so it's it's hard as a parent because you're like, well, I don't want to give them to that them that yet. Yeah, but it's it's it's kind of what's demanded of them in school. So I love that you're kind of talking about what youth are kind of starting to feel, and and I was reading your bio and how you've always been kind of attuned to how you feel and put words to it. Yes. And I think that is extremely hard to put words to feeling. Yes, it really is. Even for me, sometimes I I have like this gut instinct, this feeling, and I have a hard time describing what it is, but it sounds like you are gifted in finding words to how you felt.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Yeah, I try my best. I think I've always kind of been a sensitive person. Like I'm very aware of how I feel and what things make me feel such a way. So I think because it writing comes so easily to me, it's super easy for me to also write about feelings and emotions. Some of the feelings and emotions I've gone through, and some are from other people I know. But I know I I definitely talked about social media and that aspect like in the beginning of the book because I know like it's real and it's gonna keep happening, and I know it affects a lot of people daily. So yeah, social media was definitely one of the main talking points. Was it okay?

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Oh, I love that. So tell me a little bit about that. Like, because I think what you're it sounds like with your book, you're able to put words to something in a feeling. And so the reader, especially a young reader that reads this, can say, Oh, that's me. I don't feel I'm not alone and feeling this way. And that's what it is. Because oftentimes I bet they're feeling something and they don't realize what's affecting that feeling, or could put words to it. So your gift will allow so many other youth to not feel alone. And I'd love to for you to describe a little bit that feeling that social media has on young youth, and and because you're 17, but how old were you when you started kind of writing this book?

SPEAKER_01 5:22

So the very beginning of the book, I was 15. Okay, and by the time I reached the very end of the book, I was like 16 and a half, so I progressed even with the book, kind of along with the character. But um, I was 15 when I wrote about the social media part, and I don't think I struggle with social media that much, but I know a lot of my friends who do. And so I even use some of my friends' feelings. Um, social media is a very big part of our life as teenagers, and sometimes adults kind of give us crap for we're addicted to our phones, but we're like, you put them in our hands. But I feel like, yeah, social media, mostly Instagram and TikTok, it's kind of just like you're so into it and you kind of get addicted to it in a way. But I feel like social media, there's good and bad, and I feel like the bad is really, really bad. Um, I feel like people can like a lot of self-image and a lot of mental health issues, I think, can can um string from social media. So I talked about that piece a little bit, and um, that's kind of when my character starts going through like mental health stuff like that. Um, but it's mostly some of it is social media as well, just like comparison and comparison.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

And where do you see it might be good? Like where social media might be good, because I think this is where yeah, the parents do struggle because they're like they put like almost a shame to it, and but but I have my phone too. I have social media, so and I'm using it for good. So, where do you see it? It could be for good.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Well, I think mostly like TikTok and Instagram, I see them they're really good at promoting people and like helping people. And so, like a lot of small businesses, like the business I work at, like we get customers because of social media, and I feel like it also helps people learn. It's kind of based off your algorithm, your algorithm could be really bad or it can be really good. So it's kind of what you choose to watch. So if you want to have a positive feed, then stop watching the sad stuff and just scroll, you know.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

But um, because for me, same thing. People are like, oh, there's so much bad stuff. I'm like, well, not for me, because all I follow is like inspiration, health things, you know, faith-led words, quotes, and it's all positive. So I I could see where it could be used for positive outlet. And I see it sometimes with my children as a creative outlet. Yes, right, where they can uh maybe speak their feelings, maybe they can share that and where or they can be creative. My daughter loves to create little fun uh videos or you know, acting, and it could be a creative outlet as well.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Yes, right? Yeah, I see a lot of my TikTok feed is mostly like art and stuff like that. So I see a lot of small businesses and people who paint and stuff like that. So I think it's a good way to express yourself too, because when you finally find your right community online, it's gonna be videos, your videos are what they want to watch. So they're gonna engage and they're gonna support you in the comments. And so I think, yeah, your feed is what you make of it. And so there is very a creative side and there can be a really bad side as well.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

I love that. And then so what's another big feeling that you talk about moving along from the 15 to you know, 16 and now 17 that's in your book that a lot of youth can relate.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

Yeah, I think a big feeling I talked about was like being left out or like friendships, losing friendships and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

My gosh, that's a big one. Yeah. Oh my gosh, I see that with my kids. Yeah, ebbs and flows of friendships. And I think that happens, I it seems to be like the 10, 11, 12 years old. Usually middle school. Middle school. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Yeah. So I talk about, I think I'm not entirely sure, but I know I talked about some of my experience in middle school. And I kind of talk about the friend groups, and you know, there's like the popular and the nerds, and you know, kind of like mean girls. I mean, it's somewhat true to an extent.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

Um, but I kind of talk about, you know, how easy it is to like just di get distance from your friends. And, you know, I talk about how busy people are in high school, and it's really hard to maintain friendships. So I think that's probably another relatable thing I would say. I know my friends have talked to me about that too. Like it's hard to just keep being friends with people and to make time and because they're so busy. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

So yeah, I do see that where they're kept so busy, which is great, right? You got sports, you got school, but it's almost too much now, right? Yeah. Where we need some downtime for connection. And I think, do you think there's a lack of deep connections nowadays? Because youth, you know, they're used to maybe just texting instead of picking up the phone and calling or meeting in person. There's so much of the phone aspect.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

Yeah, I think um, honestly, I think it's more of just like people's schedules. So I text my friends a lot. I prefer texting over calling, but you know, if you truly want to talk to somebody, you are gonna pick up your phone and find a way to talk to them. But I think the biggest issue is sometimes parents, they overbook their children with high school activities. I have so many of my friends, they're in sports every season, and then their parents expect them to work a job, and it's just unrealistic with that on top of school. And so what I do is I do high school, but then I work a job. So I don't do sports. I used to, but I choose a job. And so I only have two things to balance instead of all these things and on top of activities and stuff like that. So I think sometimes it's parents' expectations of their kids forcing them to do everything that they don't want to do, but also some people just choose their phones over being in person and with people.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

I think you're touching on something really important to for parents to hear because that constant busyness is great, right? You're either still trying to try to find balance, like even for me, you know, okay, a little bit of exercise, a little bit of this, but a little connection. And you know, it could be overwhelming. But when you're programming your child now to be so busy to never have any downtime, yeah, then you're programming them for life. Yeah. And I've seen firsthand from guest after guest from my own life to set yourself in that nervous system state of the fight and flight nonstop, never slowing down. Yeah, that's a downward spiral decades down the road for health reasons. Yeah. And it's not sustainable.

SPEAKER_01 11:22

I know. I've seen it firsthand with people in my school. They just get so overworked that even if they're free, they don't want to hang out. You know, like their only free time are being at home. And then parents are mad because all they do when they're at home is being on their phone. But what if that's all they have the energy for? You know, I've seen people get so overworked for sports they don't want to do, and like speech teams they don't want to do, and then they have to work a part-time job after all of this that they also don't want to do. So I feel like some parents are prioritizing sports and academics over social life and connections with friends, and then also that shows who they are at home, too. They're not gonna be as happy and energized, or they're not gonna want to hang out with their parents when they get home.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Okay, okay, wow, yeah. I think you're touching base on so much. So this is you kind of go through that all throughout your book. I love that. And I love that. So you've always just had the gift of just writing these emotions. And and what planted you to just start writing this? Did you feel like so many a lot of the books you were reading wasn't touching base on that?

SPEAKER_01 12:24

Yeah, I do think like I've read a lot of books, but I also hear even on social media, the way people talk about mental health or teenager lives, I don't think they're like accurate or even relatable. I think it took a teenager to write this for teenagers to relate. Um, obviously, with like the whole social media aspect, if you're an older generation, you weren't born with phones. Like I was born, I have social media since I was young, and so I grew up with it. And I feel like the people my age are only the only ones that know how that feels. So when someone who's older than us who didn't grow up with a phone, when they try to relate to us, I think it's a little bit harder. But also, yeah, I haven't I read a few books on mental health and I don't think they were accurate. You can kind of I couldn't could have I could tell that the author was not a teenager or that they didn't go through these things.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

And um so then it's hard to relate. Yeah, right. It is hard to relate. Because yeah, there's a lot of probably self-help teen books, right? For parents to write, but they were written by adults maybe adults, right? Yes, and so for you, I think they're really gonna connect the youth, and I actually can't wait for my kids uh to read it as well and hear their feedback. But I there's not enough voices like yours that are are speaking that way. And I really actually would also encourage you maybe to start your own podcast to be that voice, because this can be a continuation of your books, right? You know, and speaking on each little topic and actually have you know guests another, you know, youth as well, and sharing their story because it's from your point of view.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

I know it was super cool. I had a book launch at my house, and I had a bunch of people come and it was fun to see like people like in my house reading my book, and I had a bunch of people come tell me like they relate to certain points of my book. So I feel really proud because even though some of it was mine and some of it wasn't, I feel like I can help somehow bring the youth together with things like this, um, and kind of make them feel more seen.

SPEAKER_00 14:24

Yeah, more seen, yeah. And that's it. They need to feel more seen, they need to feel more heard, and may and you're probably empowering them to have a voice to be like, this is what I'm feeling, and this is what I need to do. Kind of uh not feeling alone because unfortunately, yeah, depression, anxiety, uh, suicidal thoughts are becoming younger and younger, even till elementary schools now. Yes. Because I have I know a lot of friends that work at um the Hope Institute here, and they get calls from elementary school for suicide. And so I think books like yours can truly save a life. And I think the youth feel alone and lonely. And you're so right with the whole social media, because you know, the generation that wasn't born with it, like myself, sometimes we create a, I feel that I might create a little bit of shame when they are on there and not understanding, but I also want them to balance. Yeah, I also want them to become aware when they are on there for too long, how is it affecting their nervous system? Because I'll, you know, that there's that fine line, just because I know for myself as well, if I'm in front of a screen. And and it's interesting, you'll allow other youth to have the language to describe their emotions and what it's doing to their bodies. Actually, when my kids lost their father at six and eight, one of the best gifts that I had were little emotion cards. And actually, there was a picture and then a writing of the emotion, like joy, anger, sadness. Right. And they can so they can just pick it. So instead of because it was really hard for them to describe it, but because there was a little picture, the little word, they're like, Oh yeah, this is how I feel. Right. And then giving them tools to for making them feel better. So you're kind of giving them the tools where where they're being seen, they're being heard, and then and hopefully inspire them to do hard things like you, like inspire them to write. Because I do really feel uh everybody should write. I think the youth should start writing, journaling, and maybe write their own books too. And so you will inspire them to do that. And I I just honor you, you know, it takes a lot of strength, especially to write kind of your truth, you know? Yes, because you feel so seen, and that's scary sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

Yeah, it is. There's definitely bits and pieces. Um, there's even like characters I mentioned. Obviously, I change names, but they are based off like I think every character in here is based off a real person or a real experience. And so a lot of it is my story, but a lot of it is my character's story, so it's not all mine, but I do definitely feel a little seen, obviously. Writing about a mental health book, and if I can relate to it, obviously people know about mental health, and maybe I went through some of this. So yeah, it's definitely feel feeling a little bit like open book, but I'm willing to feel that way for other people to feel seen. Yeah, did you have a little bit of resistance like putting it out?

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Yes, I did. Yes, okay. Yeah, that's I think that's normal for all of us authors that are putting something out because they're what kind of emotions were you feeling leading up to being published?

SPEAKER_01 17:30

Um, definitely nervous. I didn't know how like my school would react. Um, you know, it's it's pretty different, but most of the feedback I got was a lot of love for my teachers, which I think was really cool. Um, my English teacher actually cried when she read my book. And I think it's cool that even adults who read this can maybe somewhat relate to some of the mental health aspects because I feel like that's not talked about enough anyway. But yeah, I was definitely a little bit nervous publishing, but I'm good now, now that it's done.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

I love that. I'm sure, I'm sure your beautiful mom, who's a dear friend as well, you know, really was so proud and you know, was your biggest fan to getting it done. Right.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

My mom and my my dad, Dana, they both really helped with I love your dad too. Yeah, they both really helped and stepped up with me publishing my book. And we were we were with another author with uh JOA, and we were supposed to be there for family time, but my mom was like, let's just get your book done. So we ended up like changing my title to this and making my cover all in a few days. So wow really they helped like kickstart the publishing, which is really great.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

That's so great. I love that. And I think I just you mentioned something too that this is for the youth, but also what about a parent that is kind of feeling lost how to help their their teen, their youth, and to completely relate to all the emotions? I think this could be really helpful for parents to read.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

Yeah, I do kind of call out parents in this book a little bit too. I'm definitely more on the teenager side in this book, but I kind of make my character's parents be jerks and they don't pay attention to her. And so when she struggles with mental health, it's kind of her parents' fault as well. So I think I'm kind of calling parents to pay attention to your kids. You know, I know you work and stuff, but like your kids matter, and even just talking to your kids more, it really can help.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

Yeah, making time for presence, you know. I say my and I can understand the juggle. You know, you we still have to work to provide for our family. Right. But I've seen it in our own family where work just supersedes everything else. And then once you come home, you have nothing left for your family. Right. But then what is it worth to build a legacy if your family's falling apart? So it's a constant rebalancing, it's never always perfect, but always just check where are you at? Have you spent a one-on-one date with your child? Have you sat down and just have check in? Yeah, you know, deep conversations. And I have to do these mental checks all the time, you know, for my daughter, with my son, and and it is, it's and for us as adults, you know, it's it's as much as we're searching for that next goal, but if our family dynamic is is not okay and is falling apart, we need we need to kind of repivot our purpose. And I actually right now always count, okay, how many more years my children technically before they go to college, you know, and I really have to be intentional. Yeah, you know, uh this time is so crucial with them. And what I teach them now is really gonna impact them later on. And presence is what I feel my kids want most of.

SPEAKER_01 20:43

Yeah, right. I agree.

SPEAKER_00 20:44

And but they also, I'm sure for you, I've looked at your both parents being entrepreneurs and yeah, right. So it provided kind of that strength to step forward for you as well. So it's funny constantly finding that balance.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

Yes, I agree. My parents are very, very busy people, but I feel like they try their best. Um they work from home, so we do get to see them a lot, but they do own a few companies. So at the dinner table, there's always talk of work, and but you know, sometimes it's fun. You know, how many families get to talk about owning an ice cream store at dinner, you know? So it's kind of fun sometimes. But yeah, I think they try their best to balance their work and their home life as well, which I really appreciate.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

Well, Jada, I absolutely love that you came on here today. And this is my first kind of 17-year-old and author on here. And I am so excited to inspire other youth right now to start writing. Yes. And because more and more I think with AI too, that's gonna change the writing and uh they need more voices like you. So don't ever stop writing. Thank you. And step into confidence and using your voice too. I really do think a podcast for youth is really good. Yeah, okay. I think, I think, you know, I'd love my my kids to listen to that. And uh before we kind of finish off here, is there anything you'd like to say to if there's like someone listening out there that's 12, 14, 15 to 17 in youth and to really feel inspired to read your book?

SPEAKER_01 22:18

I would just say you're not alone. And I feel like this book is really good at showing emotions. Um, a lot of it is really deep feeling, so I'll feel really sorry if you do relate to them, but also it helps you know that you're not alone. And I would just say if you're feeling down, definitely seek help or write in a journal or get therapy. Those all are really good as well.

SPEAKER_00 22:38

I like that. I like that. Yeah, normalize therapy and asking for help. Uh and I think that's huge because sometimes we feel, oh, that maybe that we're broken and uh we're weak, but actually we all need, you know, therapy. We all need to do the work, and sometimes somebody else from outside the family member to really help guide you along and seeing where these patterns come from. Yes. So thank you so much. It was such an honor. And where can we get your book? Is it on Amazon? Your tomorrow is on Amazon. Your tomorrow, okay, on Amazon. And I will have it in our show notes as well. I'll share the link. And uh, I can't wait to read it. Thank you. So thank you. Well, thank you very much for listening today on Not Alone. Today, I would love for you to like and share, and please subscribe because this is how we can inspire our youth globally and for them to not feel alone. There is an incredible amount of disconnection with our youth today, with depression and anxiety, and they truly do feel alone. So, today with Jada's book, Dear Tomorrow, can inspire other youth to start writing, to start knowing the language for their emotions. So, thank you for listening again on Not Alone and see you next time.