WEBVTT
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Today's episode is the most sacred one I've ever recorded, because I'm not doing it alone.
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I'm joined by my two children, ages 9 and 11 years old, and we're talking about something that changed all of our lives forever.
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Three years ago, their father died by suicide, and today they get to speak.
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Died by suicide and today they get to speak.
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They get to share who he was to them, what he looked like, what made him laugh and what they remember about the day they lost their father.
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This episode is for every parent who's trying to help their child through grief and every child who needs to know they're not alone.
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There's no script for this kind of healing, but sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is just talk about it Together.
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I invite you to listen with your heart open.
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Well, welcome Mateus.
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I am so excited that you are open to come on my show and share your gifts, because you have so many gifts and you are such a light, and I am so excited for you to share with the world.
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Here's my first question all right, with the world?
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Here's my first question.
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All right, what do you actually?
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first, I want you to just say who you are and how old you are.
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I am Matthias Methvin.
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I am nine years old.
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My father passed away by suicide when I was seven years old, and today we are going to talk about it.
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Yeah, that's beautiful, mateus, all from the heart.
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So here's the first question I have for you.
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Okay, what do you remember about dad that you never want to forget?
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When he would always um like carry us on our surf boogie boards on the beach in the water.
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I love that.
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That was in Maui, right yeah.
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And what about some of the memories?
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The tractor rides at home on the Kubota.
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Our dad took us on tractor rides on the Kubota going up the hill, and then we went down the hill too, yeah, so fun.
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Can you tell us more about who dad was?
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depressed, but also very kind, loving and joyful heart.
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Yeah, that's so true.
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He had a big heart, very generous right.
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What did dad love to do?
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My dad loved to watch boxing with his friend Matt boxing with his friend Matt in um and he on.
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On every Friday he would, and on that day, every Friday, he would buy the a huge box of pizza, brownies, cookies and cheese sticks.
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I love that.
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They, you, they used to love to do that, right?
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Yes, yes, yeah, they loved to watch those boxing matches, that's for sure.
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The UFC, the UFC, that's what they used to watch, I remember because Dad loved doing jiu-jitsu as well, right, what was he really good at?
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What was Dad really good at?
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He was really good at tickling, tickling, yeah, and also just being generous yeah, he had a big heart, big big heart.
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And what is one of your favorite memories?
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When it was his last day at the beach with us.
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I think he helped me build a sandcastle there.
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It was really fun.
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It was fun, yeah, and we had gone snorkeling on Lanai right, yep, yeah, what kind of fish did we see there?
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We saw a trumpet fish we saw.
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Was it the parrot fish?
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Yeah, the kind of fish did we see there?
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We saw a trumpet fish we saw.
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Was it the parrot?
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fish?
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Yeah, the parrot fish.
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Remember the beak?
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, it had a beak and that was really cool.
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That was fun.
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Do you ever feel Dad's spirit around you Sometimes?
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Yeah, how does that feel?
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like it feels just I know he's around whenever, like sometimes my lights flicker and sometimes other times I just feel this big energy around me.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And he had a big energy, didn't he Right?
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Six foot four, really tall, big energy.
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I love that.
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Has he sent you any signs or moments where you just knew he was close?
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You had mentioned the flickering of the light.
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Has he done anything else that you remember?
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I know we have lots of stories, but which one stands out to you?
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Oh, my goodness, so me and so my friends.
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It was like we were, we always like see, like reflections, and it's like what is that?
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And then when we had, like I had like three friends over Brady Trace, trace, sorry Trace, and I think it was Cade or Jace Was Cade or Jace.
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And then when we were going there like looking for our dogs my dogs, because I didn't know where they went, but she was under the couch under there, and then we were looking for Rosebud too.
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So we got our Nerf guns and we went into the movie room because this is the last place that she went and we started to find stuff, and then we were looking for clues, so then the lights flickered and then we all were like ah, and went upstairs.
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Dad likes to play with electricity, doesn't he right?
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He shows off his powers, ooh and when we were about to watch a movie.
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Like it go to minions, like it switched over to hulu.
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We didn't have hulu and it go to minions.
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It did that three times and on the last one we put the remote in the drawer and nobody was near it and it still did that.
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That's right.
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I remember we were watching church on TV and then it got switched like three times, so nobody touched the remotes.
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We're like, well, what's going on here?
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And then he was playing with the TV and switching channels and everything.
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And so, you know, how does that make you feel?
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Does it make you feel comforting to know that he, even though we miss him physically, does that help you to know he's still there, right?
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When we have those things happen, it's kind of fun, right, yeah, yeah, because you know he is still there and has never left right In spirit for sure.
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So what's one thing that's really helped your heart on hard days, like, is it breath work, cold plunging, being in nature, your dog, or using the calming corner, my dog, your dog, what do you call Lego?
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What do you call it?
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A big ball of energy, a big ball of good energy, right, I love that and it's so true.
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I think, on those hard days, you love to snuggle in with Lego, right, I love that and it's so true.
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I think, on those hard days, you love to snuggle in with Lego, right, and she's able to give you all that love that you need, right and deserve.
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Yeah.
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I love that and I love that you join along with meditations with me and breath work and you join along with meditations with me and breath work and you actually we do have to share that.
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You are a prayer warrior.
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I don't want to put you on the spot, but if you feel called to share a prayer, I think the world needs to hear your prayers because you are always so fantastic in prayer should we do one?
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If you're feeling called to it and feeling comfortable about it.
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Okay, let's do it.
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Okay, let's do it.
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God, thank you for this day.
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Please help us grow closer to you, give us wisdom to spread the gospel and give us knowledge to help people who are in need.
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And thank you for my family.
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I'm very grateful for my family, my dog, my friends, and thank you that we can go to the school, this school called GCS and we are very blessed to go there.
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And thank you for making us wealthy.
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In Jesus' name, amen.
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Amen, that was beautiful, thank you.
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Thank you, mateus, for sharing your prayer.
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Warriors, now, how do you?
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So?
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We talk a lot about big feelings in our home, you know recognizing those big feelings and learning the tools to navigate through them.
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What's one emotion that used to be hard to feel, and what do you do now when it comes up?
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embarrassment, embarrassment, yep, yeah, yeah, that one's a hard one yeah, but now I'm just like who cares what other people think?
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okay, that's good.
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So you've come kind of self-aware that that was bothersome, yeah, yeah.
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And how did you let that go?
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Do you just kind of let it go, take some deep breaths, like I'm just like I don't care, you don't care, so great.
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Well, I love that you can become self-aware that that used to bother you and now you're working through that and saying, taking it lightly, I like that.
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Um, now, how do you manage your grief now, like when you miss dad, what's, what do you do?
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uh's so helpful, like that's helped you Reading definitely, and playing with my dog.
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Yeah, reading and playing with your dog when you're kind of feeling the grief Now do you find yourself sometimes just being able to talk to Dad, you know, or send a prayer.
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Send a prayer, yeah, yeah, yeah, for the strength yeah yes, yeah, I like that, matthias, now, okay, this will be our last question and I want you to look just at that camera right there.
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And then I want you to visualize that six-year-old boy that's just lost his dad, okay, and you're kind of speaking to him.
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So if you could talk to another kid who just lost someone.
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They love what you want them to know about grief, healing and God.
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God will give you what you need.
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Don't worry about anything else else, just keep on praying, keep on believing in God, keep on praying, keep on believing in him and yeah.
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Yeah, and then so you never feel alone, right?
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Yeah, and I like that message, matthias, that's powerful, that's really good.
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And now one of our favorite gifts that we had been given, you know, when Dad passed from our friend, was this book, and so our friend had created a book and it has pictures of so each kid.
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So Mateus has pictures of him and his dad in here, and also our friends have written down their favorite memories of dad, so we want to read one of them here, and so one of them is okay.
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So there's a pictures of Mateus.
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He used to play basketball here in Alaska and he had quite the game face, and their dad, scott, had this picture picture on his Facebook profile for a really, really long time because he really loved it.
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So I don't know if we can show it or whatnot, but there's Mateus with his game face on and he's about to start the game of basketball here.
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And here's the story.
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So your dad had this as his profile picture for some time.
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He was so impressed by your game face.
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We often talked about your natural strength.
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You have had muscles since you were born.
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It seems like I think you get that from him, and it's so true.
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You've always been so strong and great athlete and dad was so proud.
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I mean, we really could see those muscles showing off.
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I'm pretty sure you're only like five there, so that was a great memory.
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Well, matthias, I just loved having you on here because I know you're such a light for me.
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You have been such a supporter and a light for me throughout my grief, and I just want to say that I'm grateful for you, for your love, and thank you for sharing your heart, because I know there's other kids out there that might feel alone like you guys felt alone when you lost your dad and someone out there.
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You'll be shining a light for them, a light of hope.
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All right, well, thank you, matias.
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Well, welcome sophia.
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I have my beautiful daughter over here and such an honor that you felt it was actually.
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You know, it was funny story.
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I was podcasting today and I couldn't find babysitters, so I said, well, I'm bringing kids to work.
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And then I said you know what?
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I'm going to have them on my podcast and seeing how they would feel about that, and they were both very excited because they would get to share with the world about their father and also not only that they could be of service to other children that might feel alone after they have lost a loved one.
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So, sophia, welcome on my show.
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Thank you, mom.
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So tell people your beautiful name and how old you are.
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Okay, my name is Sophia Jolie-Methven, and Jolie in French means beautiful, so it would be beautiful in English, and I am 11 years old.
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Yes, perfect.
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Well, I'm going to ask you a few questions.
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Okay, and just go with your heart on this one.
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What do you remember about Dad that you never want to forget?
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Oh, okay, okay, so we were in, I think it was.
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Yeah, we were in Maui, for it was his last day and I was with one of my best friends, malia, and we were in Maui because we were on the island Lanai and we went to the beach with them and I remember going snorkeling.
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I had this big like face mask.
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It wasn't just one of those ones that you put in your mouth and you have the goggles face mask.
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It wasn't just one of those ones that you put in your mouth and you have the goggles.
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But my dad had these big goggles that I still have and he like he didn't use one of the like so he could breathe.
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He had, he was so tall and he was like, strong and so his lungs were so big that he didn't have to wear that.
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So he was going down to the bottom and, just like he I like this and he would, um, blow bubbles and then if he went like this in the heart, the bubbles would like Follow the heart, and he did that while I was looking at him.
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It was so fun to see him Just enjoying it.
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Usually he didn't like the beach, he was so hot.
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Yeah, dad wasn't a big fan of like hot.
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Yes, he liked the cold.
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Like his room was like I would step in there and be like it's antarctica and they're like no thanks.
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But then I also would sleep with him when I, and then because it was so cold and he had this big weighted blanket that was really heavy but like it was, it worked so well yeah, and then when we were snorkeling I remember you mentioning didn't he swim all the way down to the bottom of the ocean?
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and what did he do?
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oh he had the fish like they loved him.
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Yeah, they did, and didn't he give you a big hug oh yes, but then I had to come right up because I couldn't stay under there for too long.
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Yeah, that was so sweet, but he was under there just like chilling, and then I was like like whoa he had big lungs.
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He was definitely a big swimmer and he loved it yeah, we went to Alyeska and it's like a skiing um area and where there's this big pool.
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It's so long and I remember him he'd be like, okay, watch this.
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And we tried to, we would race but I would always lose.
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It was kind of annoying but um, but he would swim all the way there without breathing and then he'd take one breath and swim all the way back.
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The pool was so long.
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I love that.
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He was a great swimmer.
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That is a beautiful memory, Still one of my favorite too, and I still love swimming too.
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Yeah, you are a little fish, you are actually a mermaid.
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You are a mermaid mermaid.
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I can't get you out of the water or the ocean, you know that's why I'm so glad we have a pool here, because in alaska we wouldn't.
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We would buy those like blow up pools and put them under the slide, because you could lift up the slide um at our tree house and we put it under and then we would have to put like um little like pillows underneath.
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Oh, I remember because, like the rocks were, so, um, like they were, they hurt when you would slide down.
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So we would invite friends over and we'd go in.
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But the thing was like grass would get in them and get in the pool and be all dirty.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Alaska is not a you know a pool place pool place.
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But hey, we may do you know with my inflatable uh pools that I would buy, yeah, or slip and slide right, oh yeah, and we had this like big hill that would go down and I remember putting that down there and it would go down to this big field and my mom and me we would do races, like I would race her around the whole thing or we would do like tractor rides, yeah, that was so much fun.
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I love those memories.
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Can you tell us more about who dad was?
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His personality?
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Okay, he was so generous Like I, you could never forget it, like you would meet him, like you would never forget it.
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We were in Maui and we were just at this hotel, we were swimming, and he meets this little like a couple and um, he didn't even know them and he was like, hey, I'll buy you some drinks, like why not?
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And um, and he would also, like he would do, like sometimes he would do free, like fillings or something.
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I thought, yeah, free dentistry yeah, a lot yeah, and he was so like you could just feel like you would go to another dentist and you would be like, hmm, and I'm kind of scared, but when you would, when you would like have, um, my dad, scott, and um you would have him as your dentist.
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You were just like you could just feel his happy energy that he just wanted to fulfill like whatever um you needed yeah, he was a really good dentist.
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Actually, people I remember because I worked there, yeah, you know patients were like I was always so afraid to go to the dentist.
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Some people would fly in to come see dad or they drive hours to come see dad because they were the only one where they could feel at peace and comfortable and because I think he was like, even though he's six foot four, really big, he's like a gentle teddy bear.
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You know it's like he looks so big and like it's so funny.
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I always imagine him like I'm like so strong and big, but then, like when you actually get to know him, he's just like tiny little teddy bear.
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Like I have, um, this teddy bear, scott Jr.
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I dress him up, I have clothes for him, I sleep with him but but tell how we have Scott Jr.
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Why do you have this teddy?
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Okay.
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So at the hospital they gave us this little teddy yeah, and it was so cute and Maui, and they gave us this little bottle with a heart bead yeah, his heart bead and heart bead and his thumbprint.
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And that's why I have Scott Jr we got to name them.
00:21:25.407 --> 00:21:27.349
Mateus has one too.
00:21:27.349 --> 00:21:28.672
They look different, so you can tell.
00:21:28.672 --> 00:21:31.455
And Scott Jr he has right now.
00:21:31.455 --> 00:21:41.307
I'm pretty sure he's wearing little dinosaur pajamas because, well, sometimes I don't change his clothes, so he's just like chilling in my room.
00:21:41.759 --> 00:21:43.686
Yeah, you bring him everywhere, right.
00:21:43.686 --> 00:21:47.702
Oh yeah, it's like that special I thought the hospital, it was the organ donor specialist.
00:21:47.702 --> 00:22:02.592
He says, hey, we have these few things that we can do for the kids and I thought, wow, I mean it was really good and I know for you guys, having that little teddy and knowing that it was by your dad's side, and even the little heartbeat like if I don't have him.
00:22:02.612 --> 00:22:13.865
When I'm sleeping, I'm always like scared and like sometimes I'm like too scared I don't even want to move, so I'm like staying still, but like I'm like, oh no, I'm uncomfortable yeah, so when I have him.
00:22:13.865 --> 00:22:15.369
I'm just like holding him.
00:22:15.369 --> 00:22:17.402
But then I also sleep with my dog Mabel.
00:22:17.402 --> 00:22:21.233
I used to sleep with Rosebud, but Rosebud sadly passed away.
00:22:21.515 --> 00:22:26.789
Yeah, not too long like January 3rd yeah, january 3rd, a few days before your birthday.
00:22:26.829 --> 00:22:43.273
That was so sad, because I know rosebud especially dogs have been so healing for you yes, rosebud was a gift from, like, my dad, but like, um, he always said he was like, oh no, she was so expensive.
00:22:43.273 --> 00:22:46.047
Like he would always say, oh no, I he was.
00:22:46.047 --> 00:22:52.007
He was like pretending to be mad and he was like, no, no, like I'm mad and stuff like that.
00:22:52.007 --> 00:22:57.936
But then Roosevelt, and then he was the one who was so excited to get her, though, like, he was a dog lover.
00:22:58.018 --> 00:23:02.182
Yes, I mean, we had two big Newfoundlands before he was a big dog lover.
00:23:02.202 --> 00:23:12.472
I have a picture of me, my nose against the jack, and he's laying down and he's like this big, 165 pounds, yeah, and he's like so long.
00:23:12.472 --> 00:23:19.048
And then this is me, a baby, putting my nose against his, and I'm like that small and they were gentle, giants.
00:23:19.249 --> 00:23:19.930
Yes, yeah.
00:23:20.490 --> 00:23:21.051
Kira.
00:23:21.051 --> 00:23:22.961
She was the best dog I've ever had.
00:23:22.961 --> 00:23:24.045
She was.
00:23:24.045 --> 00:23:24.926
I would go in the snow.
00:23:24.926 --> 00:23:27.112
I would take one step, she would take one step.
00:23:27.112 --> 00:23:29.185
It was like she would follow me everywhere.
00:23:29.185 --> 00:23:30.169
She would make sure I'm safe.
00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:35.612
Yeah, so do you think you know when you lost your dad, you know was it.
00:23:35.672 --> 00:23:38.548
Rosebud, Because Rosebud was with dad.