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Welcome back to Not Alone.
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I'm your host, melissa Sue Methvin.
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Today I'm talking about fear and how fear has kept me in a prison I didn't even know I had created myself.
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Fear kept me in a prison I didn't even know I built.
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It made me feel sick, foggy and disconnected from God or the higher power.
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But what if fear was never meant to rule your life?
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Today I'm going to talk about how you can discern from fear-based decisions to intuitive decisions, god-led or, if you want to call it, higher power whatever resonates with you.
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But today I'm going to give you tools where you know are your decisions being fear-led or are they clear, god-led decisions?
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Your intuition how do you know and how do you find that clarity?
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Now I've definitely made a lot of mistakes and ran through with my life fear-based decisions.
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I created a prison for myself.
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I have lived in constant fear.
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I know how it feels like and I know how your mind just spirals like you have no way out.
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I felt like there was no way out.
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I felt like but that is the illusion.
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I've now learned I created all of that.
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I created that prison.
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I created that illusion.
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So now I'm here to share my wisdom as a friend, just how to get out of that prison.
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What's that first step?
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So many of us don't know how to get out of that situation, that environment that we know is toxic for us.
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But the how, the what ifs.
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We sit in the what if, but how?
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So I'm here today to show you how to find some clarity, declutter the mind, the spirit, and live truly in an intuition-led based life.
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Trust me, I'm still learning.
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I'm still making mistakes, but I'm not calling them mistakes, because this is why I'm here.
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I'm able to share from my experience where I made fear-based decisions and what happened to when I just trusted.
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For example, when I just trusted that Arizona was calling.
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Arizona was the place for me to move.
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So many people were confused as to why Arizona.
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I had lived in Alaska, in Wasilla, for 16 years and when my husband passed died by suicide in March 2022, I thought I'd go back to living in Canada because that felt safe.
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I had friends, I had my mother and I had family there.
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But something else was whispering, and it wasn't a loud whisper, it was a knowing that Arizona was calling.
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I knew nobody there.
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I couldn't answer the why.
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I just knew and guess what I did?
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I've been in Arizona for three years now and now I know why.
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I know why.
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The opportunities that have been here for me are just far beyond what I could have ever imagined.
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So listen up today for this episode, because I think so many of us are leading fear-based lives and I'm going to give you share some tools where you can get out of that fear-based lifestyle that you're living right now and it's probably spiraling and keeping you from feeling peace.
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I know how it feels to live in fear.
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When my husband was addicted to opiates, alcohol and just numbing every single day alcohol and just numbing every single day.
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I just didn't want to see that truth.
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It felt uneasy, like a pit in my stomach Every time he would come back home from work.
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I felt anxious.
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I kind of felt like I needed to tiptoe around.
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I never knew what kind of mood he'd be in or what he'd say in front of the kids and I just felt his energy.
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It was just so dark and I think it really affected my body and how it affected it.
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It started in the gut.
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I know that's the number one place it started, one place it started and I truly feel that's because of fear.
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Fear can compromise your immune system and that's where it all started.
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The more fear I felt, the more I had some gut issues and at this time I've always been working out four or five times a week.
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I eat very clean for the most part.
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I mean I feel like I live a balanced life.
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I you know I will also eat french fries, but I also eat clean and organic but and have a healthy lifestyle.
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I had such bad acid reflux to the point where I can only drink bone broth and eat crackers.
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Now this was all fear-led and the anxiety that I've lived in, and a lot of it, is because I had created this prison, my own prison.
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I didn't want to see the truth that I was living in or I felt I had no control over it.
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I had approached my husband many times to seek help, or every time I would bring up that these medications are not helping him to get to the root cause of his ailments.
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Yes, maybe they were numbing the pain, the chronic pain, but why was the chronic pain there?
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We needed to get to the root cause and instead of him grinding day to day in his work, instead of getting into the root cause, it just spiraled into more addictions, more numbing and never getting to the root cause.
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Then I felt hopeless as a wife sitting there seeing the spiral happen in a toxic environment and seeing how my kids are starting to see what's happening to dad as well.
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So I could see not only it was affecting me, it was affecting my children because they felt sad to see dad like this and seeing him drunk and falling over when we're out in public, you know, at hotels, where he has to be carried by strangers.
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You know I was seeing that something needed to happen, but I felt like I didn't know what was that next step.
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And now I know why because when you're living in so much fear and suppression of these emotions and not willing to see your truth affects your gut, so with your gut health, it causes inflammation and that inflammation, you know, there's a gut brain connection, so it caused some brain fog.
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So that's why it was so hard for me to see that next step, or causing that prison for myself, that next step I kept on spiraling in.
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Well, how am I going to afford housing?
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Where am I going to find a place for us to live?
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How?
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What if he my husband gets custody and he has to?
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My kids has to spend a week with him and a week with me.
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That gave me so much anxiety, not having that control for that week that my kids will be with their father.
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So I started spiraling in the what ifs and I think we often do that when maybe my knowing was I need to remove myself from this environment and my children.
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I had already established some boundaries.
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I've asked for him to seek help.
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I've asked that we seek help together, counseling.
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There was just always these roadblocks.
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So what do you do next when your loved one is not willing to see their own truth and grow?
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That's probably the hardest situation.
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When you love someone so deeply and you are so grounded in your dream of that united family, I think you know when you're married, you have your vows to, till death, do us part.
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I kept on saying that to myself because I said, okay, I'll be there all the way along with him, no matter what.
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What does he need?
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But I kept on coming to a roadblock and I didn't know what else to do other than possibly leaving myself.
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But that was so scary and I thought, well, maybe that's giving up, giving up on him, giving up on.
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But ultimately now I know, no, that would have just set some boundaries and possibly that was maybe the awakening he needed to lose it all you know.
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But there was so much fear.
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What if I even thought if I left he might hurt himself?
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You know, and I think a lot of times we fear also our children.
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My children love their fathers and I don't want to break that family and their dream.
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But our dreams are maybe not the plan.
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You know there are our plan and there is God's plan, or the higher power.
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I know a lot of people sometimes don't resonate with the word God, and I use it a lot because I do.
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But just if you hear that and you don't resonate with it, use what you like, what keeps you connected to source.
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And I just want for you to lead a life out of fear, because fear also started getting me sick.
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Not only did it, it started with my gut.
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Whereas I was seeing a naturopath, I went to see doctors.
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I even went to see an ENT because at one point I was sounding like a smoker, my throat was kind of on fire and I had a really raspy voice and I didn't know what was going on.
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So I went to see two ENTs to finally get results.
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I had a cyst on my vocal cords.
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I did need to get surgery and that surgery to remove it.
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I couldn't talk for about four weeks after that and use a whiteboard to communicate with my kids, and I had to really sit.
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I had no choice to sit in silence by myself.
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And that's when I really knew God was telling me use my voice and I need to make some major changes.
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And even though there was a lot of what ifs, I knew something needed to change because my body was starting to whisper these changes, to step forward.
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And so I'm here to remind you what are these little whispers that you're getting right now in your body.
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Your body will start speaking, or what are some of the numbing where you're kind of silencing your truth?
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Ultimately, there is a plan for you and it's trying to redirect you, but sometimes it's really scary to step into that plan.
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Fear triggers stress hormones, it weakens the immune system, it impacts your gut health, which in turn causes a foggy brain.
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Now this is important to know because if you're having a hard time making decisions and you're spiraling in these what-ifs all the time, here are some tools that I've learned myself when I'm trying to lead my life intuitively and God-led.
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I've learned to declutter first of all my gut.
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So get really clean in my eating, like bring in light through nutrition.
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So I don't follow one diet in particular.
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I just always tell my kids we're going to eat the rainbow.
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So every day, add nutrient-dense foods and ideally locally, whatever's in season, because what you pick from a tree right off the tree is going to have the most light in it the most nutrient.
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By the time light in it the most nutrient, by the time it makes it to the grocery store it's already lost a lot of its light.
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So, nutrition I really try to find things that are from our local farms, ideally and I know how hard that is or even try growing your own.
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I know Alaska, I even had a.
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Even try growing your own.
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I know Alaska.
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I even had a greenhouse and try to grow what I could, you know, in such a short season.
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But how important that is and how also not bringing light into your nutrition is the way you cook it too, with love.
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Put on some music, make it fun.
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I know so many don't like cooking, but find a way where you can find joy in it and maybe that's just putting on some music that makes you dance while you're cooking or singing, or make it a family affair.
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Maybe involve your kids, make them decide a meal once a week and then try as much as you can to have meals together, because when I have a full table filled with my family and friends it brings us so much joy.
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I love seeing all the conversations that is being led while we're enjoying a meal that we all enjoy and love, like.
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For me, that's so rewarding when I've cooked a meal that I know everyone is just loving and they're like, wow, that's delicious and everyone's having fun and joy.
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That brings in light too.
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It's not so much sometimes the health of it, it's the way we eat it.
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And I also to have just a sacred, a spiritual practice before your meal as well.
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However, you do it just bless that food, bless the people around you and really savor each bite, because that will bring in light into your body.
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Nutrition is so key to a clear mind and to remove toxins.
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You know my children now.
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I love that.
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They're advocate and teaching their other friends to ask does it have dye in it?
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Does it have seed oils?
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Because they know how it makes them feel after they've eaten that.
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And if we want a clear mind, we have to have a clear gut.
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So and it all starts with nutrition, but also your environment, your environment, like I mentioned, fear will weaken your immune system and your gut.
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So if you are living in fear, if you're around people, you know how it feels.
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Someone comes into the room and instantly your gut just strickens.
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You're like, oh, get a little pit in your gut because it creates that fear, that environment.
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You have a hard time digesting food.
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You have a hard time bringing in nutrients.
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Now this is very important to start documenting, start writing that down.
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When those people are around you, how does your body feel?
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Are you feeling anxious, fearful?
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Are you feeling like you've got a pit in your gut, start noticing.
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And then, when they are away let's say you've gone on a trip by yourself and you're removed from your environment at home Are you feeling this peace, this calm, this joy?
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Your body feels safe now and it can feel Now.
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Start listening to those clues, because I had that.
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I remember a couple years before my husband passed and I had gone on a work trip and I was like, wow, I feel kind of calm and alive and and I had been a while since I had left my children because that gave me anxiety as well to leave my children with my husband at the time, the state that he was in.
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But I felt this peace and this calm.
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So I knew this environment I was in was toxic and I had to change and I wish I would have said, yeah, I was brave enough to leave and to make those first steps, but I wasn't.
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So I know, I know the feeling of feeling in a prison and now.
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But I also know after my you know, my husband passed and I could have still feel in that prison of the what ifs, how am I going to make it now?
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What, what am I going to do.
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But I actually started trusting more, trusting my intuition.
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I've always been a very intuitive person, but I haven't always been aligned with my intuition, so I'm learning.
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I'm learning even more so to just trust and say yes and step into it.
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And the more that I do, the more I see the miracles, all those what ifs that I had.
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It just gets answered because I'm going in the path.
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I'm supposed to go so many doors open once I move to Arizona.
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But that's because I stepped into that unknown and I keep doing that.
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Even when I wrote my first book, there was a lot of fear.
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That was my whole truth.
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When I wrote the Truth Behind the Smiles, it was everything, everything the good and bad.
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On my side, my husband and I had a lot of fear of how actually my family would feel my husband's family and I know one day my children will read it as well.
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So I was mindful of that.
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But also I know by hiding the truth it will not help my children in the long run.
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So for them to know the whole truth as well will help them have a better understanding for their own life and where dad was at and where I was at.
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You know living in that fear as well, because all that suppression gave me so much anxiety and anger as well, these anger outbursts.
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That wasn't me.
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It wasn't me and you have to be careful because fear is also the lowest frequency.
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If you think of fear and shame and guilt, if you think of fear and shame and guilt, that's where the enemy wants to keep you.
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It wants to keep you small.
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It wants to keep you there because it keeps you paralyzed and sick, because it's not getting you into the light.
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So now some of the practices that I recommend to get out of the fog is the nutrition, but also having a spiritual practice, so finding a way for you if it's prayer time, meditation, even journaling, journaling I find writing is so healing, it's releasing it.
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Breathwork, of course.
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Myself being a breathwork facilitator, I see how powerful that is to get back into your heart, release anything stuck in your gut, any fear.
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You can release that with an hour session of breathwork and I see the power of releasing fear through breath work.
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But these practices doesn't have to be long.
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You can start by just a few minutes a day to release those fears, having these practices of meditation, journaling, breath work and prayer, and that could be also just going to church, like going back to a church or finding one that you love or you know, just a community and now another one to be comes with a warning.
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I feel we need like a warning label is.
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Sometimes we like to share our fears with others and that's great.
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You know you don't want to be isolated and keep everything to yourself.
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But you have to be mindful who you share your fear with.
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Are they also living in a lot of fear?
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And because then they're going to keep you in that fear too?
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So you almost have to be mindful of who you share it with.
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Find people that are mostly living in, maybe, peace or have done a lot of growth and have a spiritual practice that can maybe help you not spiral in that fear, a friend that can help you see clearly.
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So I've also found that, oh, you know, you share with other people in the fear and it just grows and grows and grows and amplifies your fear and then you you're just blocked.
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And this happened to me very often actually, for example, when I was okay, I need to leave the situation.
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I felt very ready to do it, even though I had no clue how I was going to do this.
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I was living in Wasilla, alaska, and I was like, where do I find these apartments that are safe and for me and the kids?
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And there was a lot of decisions, but I felt I felt ready.
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At one point I felt ready, I knew this was toxic for me and my family.
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I needed to leave.
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But guess what I did?
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I had to share it with somebody and that person created so much fear for me to do that step that I reverted back to fear.
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I said, okay, okay, I probably need to plan more and have more things organized.
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You know I need to plan more that's.
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You know.
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I think a lot of friends mean, well, and they're like, well, you need to have this in place.
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Well, maybe you need to have this in place.
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But I'm saying right now, yes, to some degree.
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Maybe, you know, start saving some money or stuff, maybe seeing you know if you're leaving a relationship, you know a marriage, maybe get an idea from a lawyer.
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But maybe not right, because as you step into that first step, those things would unveil.
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Just, first of all, remove the veil, see your truth and step into it with confidence.
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But that takes clarity and a clear mind, and a lot of it is removing the toxins from your body.
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What's fogging up your mind?
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Okay, you know I love a glass of wine, but I knew, when my husband passed, to avoid alcohol, because I know how that feels the next day.
00:23:53.454 --> 00:23:59.468
Even if I have one or two glasses I'm a little bit foggy, foggy the next day, I'm a little bit off, you know.
00:23:59.468 --> 00:24:02.789
And so I knew to avoid that.
00:24:02.789 --> 00:24:04.346
I wanted a clear mind.
00:24:04.346 --> 00:24:14.410
I had started a breathwork practice so I would download on Spotify or YouTube some breathwork techniques or meditation, some prayers.
00:24:15.112 --> 00:24:24.520
I would go to church with my children, even though I still remember how hard that was for my kids to step into church after their father died.
00:24:24.520 --> 00:24:28.291
We lived in very small communities, so everybody knew us, everybody knew the story.
00:24:28.291 --> 00:24:31.750
Father died, we lived in very small communities, so everybody knew us, everybody knew the story and I think that was really overwhelming for my kids.
00:24:31.750 --> 00:24:42.726
But I know I needed, I needed the community, I needed church and but I still remember standing in the hall stepping into the church and my daughter was just it, just overwhelming.
00:24:42.726 --> 00:24:50.373
And I think because we feel it was hard to feel in front of people, they didn't want to cry in front of people because my whole family.
00:24:50.373 --> 00:24:56.672
We had learned to hide behind our smiles, so crying in front of people was really uncomfortable.
00:24:56.672 --> 00:25:12.142
But the lesson there is that it was OK to cry in front of people and it was a safe place for us and it was a wonderful community place for us and it was a wonderful community.
00:25:12.162 --> 00:25:14.507
Another excellent tool, and one that I love most to do with my family, is to spend time in nature.
00:25:14.507 --> 00:25:19.462
Nature is always calling me the mountains, especially in Alaska.
00:25:19.462 --> 00:25:22.980
When I live in Alaska and British Columbia, the mountains were always calling.
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I'm a big hiker and I love a tough hike.
00:25:27.688 --> 00:25:40.185
I still remember after the first year losing my husband, we were visiting in Alaska for Father's Day and Father's Day was heavy Our first, the first of everything.
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The first year is so heavy, especially on certain dates, and I remember being in Seward, alaska, and we had our lovely friends there who are avid hikers as well.
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They were about to hike Mount Marathon, which, if anyone knows, is a very, very tough hike.
00:25:58.230 --> 00:26:02.728
People fly from all over the world once a year for 4th of July to hike this hike.
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They'll fly in, but you have to qualify for it.
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Well, that hike was calling me and it was really tough.
00:26:12.892 --> 00:26:25.872
It was probably a five-hour hike and we got to the peak and there was still snow, and this was in June and some of the hike down was on our butts down the shale.
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We had gloves on.
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I mean it was the toughest hike ever.
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But what it showed my kids I mean I know my daughter.
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She was complaining, she did not like me, she hated me all the way through and luckily for my friends and their kids supporting us all the way through, once we got to the peak, the joy that my kids felt and at the time they were only gosh, seven and nine years old and they hiked Mount Marathon.
