Sept. 10, 2025

EP 26: Are Spiritual Battles Fueling Your Mental Struggles?

EP 26: Are Spiritual Battles Fueling Your Mental Struggles?
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Season 1

What if the depression you’ve been battling isn’t really you? 

Jennifer Stirling-Campbell shares her journey through childhood anger, medication dependency, and spiritual despair, and how a moment of raw surrender sparked true healing.

From omega-3s and mind-rewiring techniques to exploring the spiritual dimensions of depression, Jennifer reveals practical tools and fresh perspectives for anyone seeking hope and transformation.

🎧 Listen now to discover how surrender, science, and spirituality can open the door to lasting breakthroughs.

00:00 - Jennifer's Story of Being Born Depressed

07:23 - The Darkness Behind Depression

16:10 - Healing Through Omega-3s

27:49 - Mind Work and Healing Modalities

36:35 - Spiritual Warfare and Protection

45:16 - The Redo Method for Healing

WEBVTT

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Welcome back to Not Alone.

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I'm your host, melissa Sue Methvin, and today's episode will be deeply raw and inspiring.

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My guest today is Jennifer Sterling Campbell, and she knows how it feels to live in the dark and filled with anger.

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She describes herself as being born depressed, carrying a weight that followed her from childhood through more than a decade on Prozac.

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But her story doesn't end there.

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Jennifer's journey is one of surrender, divine intervention and healing, where unexpected guidance, even through things like Omega-3s, brain scan, creative downloads, gave her a flashlight and a map out of the darkness.

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Today, she's not only found joy again, but she's explaining others to do the same through her podcast and workbook series.

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In this episode, we'll talk about the spiritual battle behind depression, the surprising tools that helped her rewire her brain, and how choosing to lean on God can transform even the heaviest of battles.

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This is a conversation about breaking free from ancestral baggage, learning to listen to divine guidance and discovering that, even when life feels impossible, you are never truly alone.

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You are never truly alone, so take a deep breath with me.

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Open your heart and let's step into Jennifer's powerful story, so welcome Thank you.

00:01:51.081 --> 00:02:00.061
I have been really excited to have you on here because I think we align on a lot of things and more that I have guests on.

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I see a correlation with depression and, you know, inviting more God in and also how there is something you know some people will call it a dark entity demons.

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There's something about that and I just let's start.

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You know your childhood, you know you said you describe yourself as being born depressed.

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What does that mean?

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I was really, really serious.

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I was very serious and I think I came from a line of depressed, especially women, and neither of my sisters really struggled with depression, but I definitely did, and it was accompanied by intense anger.

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And I remember even at a very young age I would be thinking very intently about the state of the world and how evil it was and all the bad things that happened and what, as society, we should do about this and how, if I was king, what would I do, what would I change and how would I make everybody be better?

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And that's a pretty heavy burden to put on yourself when you're five, absolutely.

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So at five-year-old, were you telling your parents oh, I was always telling my mom what she should be doing, how she should be different.

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The house is messy.

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We need to keep it clean, because control was the thing.

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If I could control everyone in my life then my life would be better.

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If everyone stopped being bad, then I wouldn't have to try so hard to be good.

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And that was my belief system even as a very small child, which is kind of crazy, it's kind of Nazi, it's kind of commie, and I'm glad I worked that out and I no longer feel that way.

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I, as I grew older, I got married, did all the things I was supposed to do.

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I was a very devout Mormon Christian and so I thought I had God in my life and that I was doing, obeying all of the commandments and to the best of my ability and doing what I was supposed to be doing.

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And and yet I was miserable.

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And I was taught this is the plan of happiness, right, and I couldn't quite make any sense of it.

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So you're saying you were miserable, where you're just not finding any joy in a day-to-day.

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Oh, day-to-day it was just darkness Pretty much.

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I'd wake up in the morning and think new day, let's try again.

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And in about five minutes I'd make make a mistake and the day was ruined.

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It's kind of spiral.

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Yeah, I definitely, it was a spiral and just very negative recycling thoughts never shut up and I didn't realize that so many of those thoughts and voices weren't even mine.

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But when you think they're yours, you think that you're a terrible person.

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And not only that.

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I knew that it was only a matter of time that anyone I was close to would see that version of me and that I would disappoint them, kind of like the anger you mentioned.

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Yeah.

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So it was just like anger outbursts as far as like screaming or it was saying things that were really, really mean, and I have this ability that can be used for good, but I was using it for evil and it was that I could see people's vulnerabilities very clearly.

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I could see what would hurt them the most, and if you can do that, you can be a really great healer, identify and help process that.

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But if you're using it for evil, you'll use it against them to hurt them more.

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So I would keep tabs on people and when they would say or do something that was hurtful to me, then I would use it and hurt people terribly and deeply, and this was my family, my sisters, my husband, even friends sometimes that I felt betrayed by, and so forth.

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It's horrible, but the thing that I've started learning as I got older was that all the things I thought were me really were just the scripture that talks about weakness.

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It's not talking about weakness at all and this is a light bulb bing for me at one point.

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It's talking about the strengths you don't realize you have.

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When it talks about weaknesses becoming strengths.

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They were your strengths in the first place place, but those evil forces that know who you are as well as god does will stop at nothing to make sure you don't figure out who you are and remember and harness those powers to use for good, because they don't want you to find out, because you'll be really damaging to their plans if you do Kind of keep you in fear.

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Keep you in fear, Right, shame guilt, which is kind of the lowest vibrating frequencies.

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Right, Exactly.

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But when you're depressed, that's all you know.

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It's very hard to break out of something like that.

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I know I've seen that.

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I've seen where, trying to talk to my husband and encourage him to see the love that's around him, the support and see a different way of life you're blind get through to him and and I love that you're mentioning that it wasn't you, because I could see that and a lot of it, I could feel it in him.

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There was something keeping me at bay, like I'm almost I was fearful of him, yeah, to a point where whenever he'd step into the door after work I'd have intense anxiety.

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I'd have a glass of wine to calm that nerve and there was the.

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Now I know that it was this darkness and that intensity got worse and worse as the years went back and and I know my kids felt it and, like you mentioned some, you're born with it.

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Right, I have learned that I am born with this gift.

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I can walk into a room and I could read that room.

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I could read that person through their energies, and sometimes it's like, oh, don't go there Like this is a no Not safe?

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You're not safe.

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Or I could see right through their veil Before I second-guessed myself.

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It's been 44 years now.

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Right through their veil before I second guess myself.

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It's been 44 years now.

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I'm still learning.

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I still make mistakes because I'm like, oh, I'm gonna give them a second chance and then I'm always, always right at the end.

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So I've always been very intuitive that way and then feeling that.

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So I love that you mentioned that, because I've been in a room once where that darkness was so strong and now now I'm really more aware that I was right, what I felt with my husband and that that is a true thing with darkness, and I I kind of warned people.

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I said, oh, I felt this intense darkness in that person.

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It you know, there's something right and and to recognize that it's.

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We're not judging no, like, if you're doing it with love.

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You're not judging.

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You're just identifying that there's something dark in or around them.

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Yes, it's not them.

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Right, there's no judging.

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That doesn't mean that you don't have to be setting boundaries.

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I know that's a fine line because I'm definitely not about judging.

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It's not like I go out there and I go oh, this person.

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It's important to understand that you can still have discernment and learn not to judge, which has been hard for me because I was a judging person for many, many many years, yes, and I remember you mentioning that.

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How old were you when you were put on Prozac?

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I was 15.

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15 years, old and your mom as well, yeah.

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And she didn't know what else to do.

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It was years old, and your mom as well yeah, you know both and she, she didn't know what else to do.

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It was at the time.

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It did help.

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It calmed me down, it made me less volatile.

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Um, it had some side effects to it that weren't desirable, made me more tired, it made me more forgetful, careless.

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A lot of these drugs they will make you not care, and and the trouble with that is that when you are depressed, you need respite right but our lives are just so busy and people want a quick fix, so they'll turn to the drugs and then they care even less.

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There's not that constant reminder that something needs to change, and that's really what depression is.

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It's something's wrong, something needs to be addressed.

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Something needs to change, but most people don't know what to do, and that's why I've started the Overcome Depression podcast not only to give tools, but also spiritual awareness of this is what's going on.

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Once you start to see it and become aware of it, you can fight it and you can utilize God and angels and Christ in the ways that were always intended, but you just didn't know how.

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You didn't know how.

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yes, yeah because you know, like you said, even people of faith that pray and do this on a daily basis still get so many people in faith are depressed.

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Yes, yes, I think Utah is the most prescribed Prozac state and that has more Mormons than any other state in it.

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It's a real problem that people are not understanding the principles and how to actually apply them.

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Yes, I always say you know, medication is great.

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It's there for a reason, but it's an adjunction.

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Let's find out the root cause.

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Why is that depression there, and a lot of it is.

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We need to figure out, learn more about ourselves and go with it right.

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Yeah, and if you learn these things, you can help your children not get to the point where they'll even need it, necessarily, if you know how to address it from the beginning and you see the signs and you teach them the tools.

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Of course, they have their agency too, but I found that none of my kids struggle with anxiety or depression at the level that they would need to be medicated, because I taught them the things that I've learned that you've learned.

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So, after I know a decade of being on Prozac, what kind of switched that for you as far as like going to more of the recourse I got desperate.

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I got desperate.

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I was on the phone with my mom and she told me that she'd just been to her doctor and asked him some pointed questions about the side effects of Prozac.

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And he was very honest with her and he told her that it was was pretty new drug when I started taking it and everyone was really excited about it.

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And he said actually people are taking it long term, they're kind of turning into couch potatoes and just not wanting to do anything, no motivation.

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And that horrified me and I felt so.

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It was like this despair of I don't know what to do If I get off of it, I'm a monster.

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Every time I've ever tried to get off of it, I'm a monster, but I can't let this happen to me.

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And I literally threw up my arms after I got off the phone with her and I shouted at God.

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I said you freaking made me.

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You know how to fix me.

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Do it.

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I'm not doing this anymore.

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Your hands are so totally surrendering.

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And kind of mean about it.

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I apologize later for my approach, but I just was like I'm done, like this is so stupid hard, why I don't understand.

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And about a month later didn't take very long I was at a wedding.

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I didn't understand and about a month later didn't take very long I was at a wedding I didn't want to be at um, knowing that this isn't going to work out, kind of a wedding, you know but I was there to support and and the in the back room.

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The tv was on and it's interesting.

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I never watched tv, I just don't but but there was a guy on that was talking about omega-3s and nuts and seeds and flax and fish and he kind of offhandedly said you know, in Greenland it's so dark there and normally that would equate to being depressed because they're not getting any sunlight.

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But they're not.

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They're one of the they have the least incidence of depression in the world and I think it's because they eat so much fish.

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Now I looked this up later and according to AI it's not actually accurate, but the point is I needed to hear it and when I heard that I thought, hmm, interesting, I'm sure it won't help me.

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I didn't believe it, but it sounds healthy.

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Interesting, I'm sure it won't help me, I didn't believe it, but it sounds healthy.

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I'm going to try it.

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So I started eating fish three days a week, doing all kinds of nuts and seeds, just kind of overdosing on all of it.

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I did a ton of a ton of omega-3s.

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Three months later I quote unquote forgot to go get my medication and I was at day five of not having it usually day three.

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I was a mess and I, but you forgot, you weren't even thinking about it, I wasn't even thinking about it, I completely forgot to go get the meds and suddenly I realized I forgot my meds.

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I should go to the pharmacy and go get that, get that prescription filled.

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And I started to get ready to go and then sat down for a minute that way.

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But wait, wait, thought about the last five days.

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I was like, oh my gosh, I think it's working, holy cow.

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And I remember just giving things like thank you, that something so simple.

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I didn't believe food could heal me.

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I didn't you know.

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I thought that was gooey.

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And that it was just a brain thing.

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My doctor told me it was a brain thing, that I was chronically genetically depressed and that that's just how it was, and I didn't know what kind of miracle God had in store, but I would.

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I had no doubt he was going to provide one, but I didn't realize it would be that simple, that simple, and sometimes it is.

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it's just rooted in what we put in our body.

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That's simple what God has given us.

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You know this beautiful food.

00:14:47.274 --> 00:14:57.006
You know, yeah, and I love that you mentioned that, and I love that you also mentioned you kind of forgot, which helped because you didn't go in that fear going ooh, it's day one of me not having it.

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How am I going to feel tomorrow?

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Oh, I would have filled it.

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Absolutely.

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I would have filled it and just kept going on with my life, but I think that something made sure I forgot at the right time, because years later I read an article that that actually said that, doing the fish and all of the omega threes, it takes three months for it to get into your system long enough to make a difference in the way you felt.

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And it was three months, almost on the dot, that I started doing this and it was just a miracle.

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I can't say it in any other way.

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That's something I've taken for a really long time and actually started giving my kids as well, because I brought my son to do Dr Amon's clinic for a brain scan Cool, and it showed that there was some inflammation in the amygdala and a fight-and-flight section of his brain, and so I kept on.

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You know, I'm the kind of like you mentioned your son, asking why.

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Why?

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You know I'm the kind of like you mentioned your son asking why?

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Why?

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Well, I'm a lot like well, why?

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Yeah, you know I keep out digging and digging and realizing his gut health and heavy metals and mold exposure had all created this information in the brain.

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And so since we started taking omegas and a couple of other different supplements and changing I've always been really good with my diet.

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Different supplements and changing I've always been really good with my diet, but even even better now, even noticing even my organic hummus I was buying was more with seed oils Okay.

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I have to really be diligent in picking out things that don't have seed oils or dyes.

00:16:16.212 --> 00:16:17.822
For my kids I would see that a lot.

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So nutrition is huge.

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I find that even kids that ADHD and autism.

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The minute you remove, like gluten and dairy and things like that, you know the symptoms have.

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I have so many parents that have children with ADHD and autism and they say once they changed their diet, you know their symptoms are much less.

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Yeah, and the fish thing it's pretty dang easy.

00:16:38.366 --> 00:16:41.370
I mean, it doesn't take a whole lot to eat fish three days a week.

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I found that that was the replacement for Prozac for a long time.

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I'm not necessarily dependent on that anymore because I did more work, but after I figured that out, my mind was blown.

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I was just like, wow, if this works, what else can I do?

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And I had a long way to go.

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I certainly wasn't healed in all of his modalities, but I never took Prozac again and it was just so liberating to be like I don't have to be dependent on this anymore.

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And I feel like in the days ahead we're so dependent on these things that may or may not be available to us.

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You have to ask yourself if the world got to a state where I couldn't get a hold of the drug that I need right now.

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What's plan B?

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Am I going to fall apart?

00:17:26.863 --> 00:17:27.423
That's really good.

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Am I going to die?

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Am I going to be a mess, or am I going to be the one who's with it, helping other people get through it?

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That's beautiful and that was one of my biggest motivators was I don't want to be the person to miss, Because you know, times can be hard.

00:17:43.011 --> 00:17:46.075
We're reliant on China for a lot of the things that we get.

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What if they cut it off our supply?

00:17:47.672 --> 00:17:55.692
You just never know and storms that come through, you know, maybe you didn't fulfill your prescription and there's no way to get it for a while, so it's.

00:17:55.692 --> 00:17:57.336
I don't want to be dependent on it.

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I don't think anybody does, but when you turn it over to God and you say I'm done, you have the solution.

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Show me what it is, and it might not be as simple for you.

00:18:08.405 --> 00:18:16.545
Maybe fish doesn't fix it all, but there are solutions and there are miracles that are available for you, and I talk about all of them in my podcast.

00:18:16.545 --> 00:18:17.186
What's?

00:18:17.207 --> 00:18:19.515
the next thing that you incorporated.

00:18:19.515 --> 00:18:21.271
What was the next thing after that?

00:18:22.488 --> 00:18:24.094
It was mind work.

00:18:24.094 --> 00:18:27.131
I did Lifeline.

00:18:27.131 --> 00:18:29.573
Lifeline was a huge lifeline for me.

00:18:29.573 --> 00:18:37.028
Kelly Efros her website is indigomountainhealthandwellnesscom she's one of my heroes and she was willing to.

00:18:37.028 --> 00:18:40.733
I was very poor at the time and she was willing to work with me for what I could afford.

00:18:40.733 --> 00:18:51.696
And it's just very subtle hypnotism, very, very subtle, like you don't you're totally there, but it gets kind of to the root of the problem when did it start?

00:18:51.696 --> 00:18:58.076
And helps you to release it in a very gentle way where you don't even have to remember what happened, you just have to recall that.

00:18:58.076 --> 00:18:59.919
Oh, I felt I'm feeling this emotion.

00:18:59.919 --> 00:19:02.390
This is what I want to get rid of, this is what I want to have instead.

00:19:02.390 --> 00:19:04.394
And identifying that.

00:19:04.394 --> 00:19:10.278
And then she can help identify the age and the process, the process almost.

00:19:10.298 --> 00:19:13.787
yeah, I had done parts work which is maybe a little bit similar.

00:19:13.787 --> 00:19:17.916
You know, as far as I've never done hypnosis but I've done parts work which is maybe a little bit similar.

00:19:17.916 --> 00:19:24.756
You know, as far as I've never done hypnosis but I've done parts work and visualization and all that, and you know breath work and I feel it does help kind of rewire that event.

00:19:25.226 --> 00:19:27.907
Yeah, you have to or you'll just keep doing.

00:19:27.907 --> 00:19:32.116
The pathway that you've been doing for me was the last 25 years.

00:19:32.116 --> 00:19:34.450
It's the easy way, it's the way that you're used to.

00:19:34.450 --> 00:19:40.297
You have to start to block that pathway off and create a new one, and the only way to do that is through intentionally.

00:19:40.297 --> 00:19:45.476
Often when you're that sick, you need someone to call your BS because you just can't.

00:19:45.476 --> 00:19:51.222
It's not, it's too hard to think positively, it just doesn't last, so you really need someone.

00:19:51.222 --> 00:19:51.884
Therapy's good.

00:19:51.884 --> 00:19:56.627
I think that some of these other things that are designed to reprogram your brain either.

00:19:56.627 --> 00:19:58.595
Cognitive behavioral therapy is pretty good.

00:19:58.595 --> 00:19:59.617
I love lifeline.

00:19:59.617 --> 00:20:02.667
Eft was the tapping that really helped me a lot.

00:20:02.667 --> 00:20:03.650
You can learn that yourself.

00:20:03.670 --> 00:20:05.494
It's free with my kids.

00:20:05.535 --> 00:20:08.167
If you do that every day, that can make some progress.

00:20:08.167 --> 00:20:10.089
Uh, some other things.

00:20:10.089 --> 00:20:11.412
There's srt.

00:20:11.412 --> 00:20:17.740
There's so many of them now and so many people that you just intuitively have you tried an EMDR?

00:20:17.740 --> 00:20:20.593
I don't think I've.

00:20:20.593 --> 00:20:22.743
Well, lifeline incorporates some of that, some of that.

00:20:22.743 --> 00:20:26.375
Okay, actually not specifically EMDR, but I've heard great things about that too.

00:20:26.375 --> 00:20:29.634
The only thing I wouldn't recommend are the hallucinogens.

00:20:30.065 --> 00:20:41.711
Yes, you know, I'm so glad you bring that up because as I went into my journey of just being so curious, I was like it's tempting, yeah, and and I did, I tried it and it was.

00:20:41.711 --> 00:20:44.478
It was the worst thing that I did.

00:20:44.678 --> 00:20:46.201
Really, it actually brought darkness.

00:20:46.903 --> 00:20:47.305
It brought in fear?

00:20:47.325 --> 00:20:48.569
Most people don't recognize that.

00:20:48.991 --> 00:20:49.967
Yeah, I actually.

00:20:49.967 --> 00:20:51.251
I it dawned on me.

00:20:51.251 --> 00:20:59.526
It took me a little bit At first.

00:20:59.526 --> 00:21:04.618
I was really a believer on that because I've had oh feels so good, yeah, and I've had therapists say, wow, this is the only thing that's helped my you know my guests.

00:21:04.618 --> 00:21:12.653
I've gone through the the worst, uh, abuse or you know traumas, and I've had addicts saying that that's what helped them out of that, you know, or moms out of postpartum.

00:21:12.653 --> 00:21:14.516
So I was just really curious.

00:21:14.516 --> 00:21:29.614
But for me personally it actually brought on self-sabotaging events leading afterwards and I recognized like, oh, I think it brought on a dark entity, yeah exactly.

00:21:29.753 --> 00:21:31.738
And it opened up that gate for dark.

00:21:31.984 --> 00:21:37.896
That's what I believe, yeah, and I saw, and then I called a friend after it dawned on me what it did.

00:21:37.896 --> 00:21:40.109
I was like, did that happen to you too?

00:21:40.109 --> 00:21:45.152
And she said, yes, she had eight months of bad decisions, self-sabotaging afterwards.

00:21:45.152 --> 00:21:56.666
And now I kind of feel guilty because on a few podcasts I'm like, oh yeah, I think this is great, it's saved of people.

00:21:56.666 --> 00:21:58.109
And I'm like, oh no, that's where you were at.

00:21:58.109 --> 00:22:00.054
You know, yeah, no, in the same time, everyone to each their own journeys.

00:22:00.054 --> 00:22:00.776
But for me it actually it was.

00:22:00.776 --> 00:22:09.717
I spiraled in fear, shame, self-sabotaging leading up to it, and I think it introduced a dark entity and I had to really work hard to remove that.

00:22:09.964 --> 00:22:11.231
Most people don't recognize that.

00:22:11.231 --> 00:22:33.144
They'll feel really, really, really good afterwards and it'll last a few months and then they'll start spiraling again and then they'll go really, really, really good afterwards and it'll last a few months and then they'll start spiraling again and then they'll go back and do it again and they don't connect what's happening or the the connection of other events in their life, um kind of like, I mean, there's so many other things that take a while to show results that people don't make the connection.

00:22:33.144 --> 00:22:35.551
Yes, so I that.

00:22:35.551 --> 00:22:36.734
I very much believe that.

00:22:36.734 --> 00:22:39.152
I know a lot of people are gung-ho all over it.

00:22:39.152 --> 00:22:43.969
This is the best thing ever, and that's what you described is exactly what I'm saying.

00:22:44.028 --> 00:22:44.189
For me.

00:22:44.189 --> 00:23:01.056
I was like, I was like I should have known I, you know, you know, big believer in prayer and God and my faith, I'm really strong in it and I went, looked outside of myself, outside of that, to reach for more healing where ultimately I just got to get desperate again.

00:23:01.156 --> 00:23:02.709
I mean, they get desperate and they just want to.

00:23:02.709 --> 00:23:12.765
They just want to be healed, they want some relief and, um, I was blessed with the inspiration to plead to God in that case and in desperation.

00:23:12.765 --> 00:23:16.173
I'd never been that desperate before desperate before.

00:23:16.173 --> 00:23:24.490
I think a lot of people lose their faith because nothing's working and all of the things that they've done in church have not been effective and the blessings.

00:23:24.530 --> 00:23:28.893
They would say to that, because there's some people like I do all these things, I pray, I, I believe in God.

00:23:28.893 --> 00:23:30.619
I but they're still lingering.

00:23:30.640 --> 00:23:34.970
Yeah, that darkness yeah, it's, it's, there's something that we're all holding on to.

00:23:34.970 --> 00:23:38.234
If you still have it, then there's usually a.

00:23:38.234 --> 00:23:43.509
It's a sin, an unrepentant sin, but it's not even necessarily yours.

00:23:43.509 --> 00:23:44.932
It could be ancestral right.

00:23:44.992 --> 00:23:45.875
It could be ancestral.

00:23:45.875 --> 00:23:46.436
I believe that.

00:23:46.884 --> 00:24:02.011
So it's not just like, oh, I'm a bad person or I made a mistake, but it's these repeated patterns that you're now perpetuating, that you don't know why you're perpetuating it and there's a part of you that's addicted to it in some way, that you're not ready to let it go.

00:24:02.011 --> 00:24:11.777
And, of course, like going to church saying prayers, they all help, they keep your head above water, but eventually you want to get out of the water onto dry land and start living.

00:24:11.777 --> 00:24:24.797
We don't want to be treading water forever, and I think that's why, yes, prayer, scripture, reading, all those things, meditation are so important, because they do keep us from drowning, but they're not enough.

00:24:24.797 --> 00:24:26.082
Okay, well, what's that next step?

00:24:26.082 --> 00:24:32.678
You have to have that personal connection with God, and a lot of us who are in mental disorder are blocked from that.

00:24:32.678 --> 00:24:34.469
So how do you reach it?

00:24:34.890 --> 00:24:36.454
Again, it's that I give it.

00:24:36.454 --> 00:24:37.346
I give it all I'm done.

00:24:37.346 --> 00:24:53.537
Help me, show me the way I will do anything you want and being willing to do whatever comes, and to help me recognize the counterfeits, because they will show up too and I'll try to deceive you, to take you in this way, but to be, try to be sensitive to that peace.

00:24:53.537 --> 00:24:55.121
Where do I feel the peace.

00:24:55.121 --> 00:24:56.523
Where's the?

00:24:56.523 --> 00:24:57.686
Where is this leading me?

00:24:57.686 --> 00:24:59.191
So do you do like sort?

00:24:59.230 --> 00:25:03.268
of like energy clearings, like what do you do to keep them at bay?

00:25:03.268 --> 00:25:04.431
You know to keep.

00:25:04.932 --> 00:25:05.473
I asked.

00:25:05.473 --> 00:25:06.977
A lot of people will say I want to shield.

00:25:06.977 --> 00:25:12.026
You know shieldings Well, so they're protected while they're going throughout their day or trying to improve.

00:25:12.026 --> 00:25:13.228
I don't think that's enough either.

00:25:13.228 --> 00:25:19.557
I think you need the whole shebang, you need the whole armor on from the tips of your toes the tops of your head.

00:25:19.557 --> 00:25:34.190
So, asking for that and visualizing it around you as well, and like that shield of protection being the most important part, because that's the faith that keeps it all together and I know you've shared a story where love for you to share it again.

00:25:34.269 --> 00:25:40.080
it's where you mention sometimes you might need a group to surround you in prayer.

00:25:40.402 --> 00:25:42.907
Oh yeah, right, there were times that I was.

00:25:42.907 --> 00:25:47.718
There was one particular time that I made a big mistake.

00:25:47.718 --> 00:25:54.491
I went against what I knew to be right, knew to be true because I wanted to do it and it was flat out wrong.

00:25:54.491 --> 00:25:56.259
And I knew to be true because I wanted to do it and it was flat out wrong.

00:25:56.259 --> 00:25:56.268
And I knew it.

00:25:56.268 --> 00:26:02.057
And I'd never done something out of preconceived thought it out done it even though I knew it was wrong.

00:26:02.057 --> 00:26:03.170
I don't think I'd ever done that.

00:26:03.170 --> 00:26:05.250
It was always an oops or I made a mistake.

00:26:05.973 --> 00:26:11.095
This was different and I woke up the next morning and I knew I was in trouble.

00:26:11.095 --> 00:26:17.294
I felt what the scriptures define as fiery darts.

00:26:17.294 --> 00:26:23.249
I was like, oh, these are real, they're not just theoretical.

00:26:23.249 --> 00:26:27.355
And it was incessant, it wouldn't stop.

00:26:27.355 --> 00:26:32.269
I was hot and the heat wasn't like the heat of the sun.

00:26:32.269 --> 00:26:35.016
It was an uncomfortable.

00:26:35.016 --> 00:26:36.638
Something's very, very wrong.

00:26:36.638 --> 00:26:45.615
My protection was gone and the protection I'd had my whole life, and I know that God was trying to teach me something.

00:26:45.615 --> 00:26:48.012
Like you, really, I love you.

00:26:48.012 --> 00:26:52.390
You don't want to do these things, I promise you.

00:26:52.390 --> 00:26:59.387
It's not because I'm trying to punish you, but you made this choice and you sent everything that was protecting you away.

00:26:59.387 --> 00:27:07.412
And about the third day of fighting this I was like I'm gonna lose, like there's I've.

00:27:07.412 --> 00:27:13.169
I've literally felt like I'd opened a door and things were getting in so was it like your environment?

00:27:13.189 --> 00:27:17.397
you, you made a bad decision which allowed to open a door.

00:27:17.525 --> 00:27:18.788
Yeah, and it wasn't just a.

00:27:18.788 --> 00:27:20.231
It was like a door to the spiritual realm.

00:27:20.231 --> 00:27:21.817
To my mind, it was going to change me.

00:27:21.817 --> 00:27:28.838
It was going to affect me in very bad ways and numb my spirit and my conscience.

00:27:29.184 --> 00:27:30.330
Yeah, they kind of take over.

00:27:30.330 --> 00:27:31.991
I saw that with my husband.

00:27:31.991 --> 00:27:34.916
They kind of just take over and change him completely.

00:27:34.984 --> 00:27:41.837
I was scared and a friend of mine who was aware of what I had done had tried to stop me.

00:27:41.837 --> 00:27:47.076
And she couldn't stop me and she'd been praying for three days for me because she knew what was happening.

00:27:47.076 --> 00:27:54.349
And she called two friends of hers, who I was acquainted with as well, and she said we have to get rid of this.

00:27:54.349 --> 00:27:56.286
We have to close this door you opened.

00:27:56.286 --> 00:28:04.586
It was never supposed to get opened, but if we don't close it, I you know it's not going to look good for you.

00:28:04.586 --> 00:28:10.056
And so we set a time and we she we talked about it.

00:28:10.056 --> 00:28:11.038
We had a job to do.

00:28:11.038 --> 00:28:18.630
All my job was was to shine, and and my other friend of mine is a male friend and he, he kind of pep talk me.

00:28:18.630 --> 00:28:19.471
It was really harsh with me.

00:28:19.471 --> 00:28:22.086
He said you've got to stop feeling guilty Like this, is it?

00:28:22.086 --> 00:28:23.369
You got to stop fighting.

00:28:23.369 --> 00:28:27.465
Now it's over, you did it, you're going to move on and you're going to do better.

00:28:27.465 --> 00:28:30.969
Okay, so so cut it out or you're going to lose.

00:28:31.230 --> 00:28:34.053
Yeah, that guilt for you and I get, cause that's what they want you to do.

00:28:34.053 --> 00:28:36.234
Yeah, like just get over it.

00:28:36.816 --> 00:28:39.298
I was like okay, I will.

00:28:39.298 --> 00:28:51.229
So I I basically put on this mantle of I can do this and all my job was to do was to shine, you know, meditatively like to just light lots and lots of light.

00:28:51.269 --> 00:28:52.491
And I say that in breath work.

00:28:52.491 --> 00:28:55.719
I'm like, okay, each breath in, allow that light in.

00:28:55.719 --> 00:28:56.500
So I went and breath work.

00:28:56.519 --> 00:28:58.805
I'm like, okay, each breath in, allow that light in.

00:28:58.805 --> 00:29:04.596
So I went and sat by a tree and it was very quiet and it was actually nighttime when we were all able to get together in different countries.

00:29:04.596 --> 00:29:34.643
And so I went out and I took a candle out with me and as I was meditating and it was for about an hour and I wasn't on the phone with anybody, we were just all doing something and one of their job was to this sounds so weird, it felt weird to me at the time, but one of the person's job was to hold a rope like a life lifeline in case my other friend got stuck, and his job was to close the door, to get in and close the door and try to fight off what was ever getting in the way.

00:29:34.643 --> 00:29:39.221
And again to me I was like that's a lot to grasp.

00:29:39.221 --> 00:29:41.454
But okay, I don't understand it.

00:29:41.454 --> 00:29:46.256
But I do understand that something crazy weird is going on and I am willing to trust you.

00:29:47.349 --> 00:29:50.640
And so as I was praying, this candle of mine just toppled over.

00:29:50.680 --> 00:30:00.432
There was no wind, and I yelled into the darkness I am not afraid of you, and I lit it back up and I put it on and it and it was fine for the rest of the evening.

00:30:00.472 --> 00:30:16.160
And I went to bed after about an hour I felt and I was visualizing and just visualizing whatever came to my mind that was of light, you know, power and support and and my god, and he was showing me some things that I'd never seen before.

00:30:16.160 --> 00:30:30.155
They were just beautiful and also it just kind of changed my frame of I really don't want that, I really don't when I thought it was all I wanted before, right, and I went to bed that night.

00:30:30.155 --> 00:30:37.897
I woke up the next morning and the chaos and all that feeling of darkness it was gone and I felt that protection back.

00:30:37.897 --> 00:31:00.459
So it did take a group effort in that instance and I feel like God had prepared me with those people prior, because he basically knows, he knows the things we're probably going to do and how to protect us when we get there, if we choose, if we want to get out to allow more light in.

00:31:00.539 --> 00:31:03.953
Yeah, because it's without the atonement we would all be lost.

00:31:03.953 --> 00:31:05.596
We have to.

00:31:05.616 --> 00:31:13.097
We need the light, we need the hope and the hope, yeah, and to know the difference and to know your environment, how, how it can truly affect.

00:31:13.097 --> 00:31:21.819
That's why I always say your container, your body, to keep it so strong, like healthy-wise, like, bring it light with good nutrition.

00:31:21.819 --> 00:31:24.258
You know, take care of yourself, your mental health.

00:31:24.258 --> 00:31:27.038
More stillness, less busyness, you know.

00:31:27.431 --> 00:31:33.210
And all those distractions that keep us from connecting with each other and with our higher power.

00:31:34.134 --> 00:31:50.029
Yeah, you know I say I'm always my own science project because as we were going through these gut health and mold in our house, I realized when I was fasting and cleansing then I could hear God so much clearer.

00:31:50.029 --> 00:31:53.416
So I knew something in me was clouding.

00:31:53.416 --> 00:32:03.634
Yeah, that clarity, you know, because I definitely guided intuitively and I listen, but sometimes that's clouded and I can't hear there's so many things.

00:32:03.895 --> 00:32:06.546
There's so many things clouding it very intentionally too.

00:32:06.546 --> 00:32:11.816
I mean down to pollution, like we were talking about food, water, the air, the air, the EMFs.

00:32:11.816 --> 00:32:16.261
Yes, going out into nature is important for that reason.

00:32:19.529 --> 00:32:27.930
Yeah for cleansing in the water, that's what we my family, we love going cold, plunging, you know, in creeks and whatnot, but yeah, that's always calling us to go in nature.

00:32:27.930 --> 00:32:40.365
I think that's the best and for me, breath work has been going within, you know, and clearing out anything stillness, yeah, that stillness, and uh, so what is kind of your?

00:32:40.365 --> 00:32:43.933
Because obviously this is something we're bombarded every day.

00:32:43.933 --> 00:32:48.403
So what do you do on a regular basis to keep those at bay, you know?

00:32:48.891 --> 00:32:48.971
I'm.

00:32:48.971 --> 00:32:50.273
I mean for me.

00:32:50.273 --> 00:32:55.836
I do a lot of quite routine prayers, but I'm always asking what do I need?

00:32:55.836 --> 00:33:01.890
And I'll upload out there specific things I ask for pretty much every day as I'm milking my goats.

00:33:01.890 --> 00:33:13.000
That's what I'm usually going through the list in my head of remove these things and surround me with these things, and for my family, my friends, my home, my property.

00:33:13.529 --> 00:33:17.115
Yeah, just ask like clear questions what do I need, what does my body need?

00:33:17.115 --> 00:33:28.153
Because sometimes, yeah, we are depleted in something, in a nutrient, like you had mentioned, omega, and that's kind of my maintenance, but when it gets to be too much, I have my my people.

00:33:28.473 --> 00:33:34.023
You know maybe three or four different people that I know I can reach out to who I'm like, I'm stuck.

00:33:34.023 --> 00:33:35.692
Can you see it?

00:33:35.692 --> 00:33:36.493
I can't see it.

00:33:36.493 --> 00:33:42.642
And to help me to work through it and it could be for my, my child or my husband too Like something's going on.

00:33:42.642 --> 00:33:44.328
I can't see the root of it.

00:33:44.328 --> 00:33:45.490
Will you get me started?

00:33:45.570 --> 00:33:56.938
So funny, I just did that I actually have a friend, she's this energy healer and a muscle and whatnot and she helps clear your, your house, and I was like there's something, I know, there's something here.

00:33:56.938 --> 00:34:11.474
You know, after I had done the plan, I was like it dawned on me and my kids my son in particular, you know had been spiraling his thoughts and he's normally not like that, and so the change of behavior is like you need to come to my house and do this whole clearing.

00:34:11.474 --> 00:34:16.898
And then I actually did myself and then I got my kids and my kids, my poor kids, you know.

00:34:16.898 --> 00:34:18.422
They're like, oh gosh, what does mom do?

00:34:20.074 --> 00:34:26.260
They're getting used to me talking about that and being specific, yeah, like you can identify the emotions in a lot of cases.

00:34:26.260 --> 00:34:29.956
In my case, I couldn't figure it out what's going on with my three-year-old.

00:34:29.956 --> 00:34:35.855
He was not himself.

00:34:35.855 --> 00:34:48.373
For about two months I could not figure it out and I finally got it kind of like okay, here's where to start, here's where is it Like, basically, my friend said there's something in you that it's a guy and he's affecting your husband and your son.

00:34:48.393 --> 00:34:52.318
So it made me start to think who have I been around and what have I been doing and what's the pattern here?

00:34:52.318 --> 00:35:06.438
And I started thinking about I'd just been to a reunion, all the people I've been around, and I made the connection that all these people I'd been around had daddy abandonment issues and that would seem to be what my son was experiencing.

00:35:06.438 --> 00:35:10.175
He was acting very strange with regards to his dad and we couldn't figure it out.

00:35:10.175 --> 00:35:13.201
Like I'm right here, but he's acting like paranoid.

00:35:13.201 --> 00:35:27.061
And so I started asking for the Lord to remove all the anxiety and the abandonment and the feelings of not worth anything and nobody cares about me, and just to please take all of that.

00:35:28.143 --> 00:35:31.181
And there was also a connection, but from person to person, to person to person.

00:35:31.181 --> 00:35:35.175
Sometimes you can see it where it's not coming directly from you, it's like three or four different people that it started with, from person to person to person to person.

00:35:35.175 --> 00:35:35.585
Sometimes you can see it where it's.

00:35:35.585 --> 00:35:36.943
It's not coming directly from you, it's like three or four different people that started with.

00:35:36.943 --> 00:35:47.510
This person it starts to come down and if you can identify that, great, sometimes I think the lord's like good enough, I know you're trying good job, but sometimes it's taken me months to figure something out.

00:35:47.510 --> 00:35:48.594
But it's been worth it.

00:35:48.594 --> 00:35:53.644
And once you clear all those things, ask them to leave you'll start to feel that release.

00:35:53.947 --> 00:35:55.313
Yeah, kind of cutting, I call it.

00:35:55.474 --> 00:36:09.152
These attachments you can cut cords and attachments, yeah, and, but identifying the emotions and or the, whatever it is, it's an emotion or a person or saying, um, I want to be myself right now.

00:36:09.251 --> 00:36:10.673
can you remove anybody?

00:36:10.673 --> 00:36:12.858
That's not me, so I can feel me.

00:36:12.858 --> 00:36:17.293
And it's not like people think, well, why would God allow this?

00:36:17.293 --> 00:36:19.880
It's for learning.

00:36:19.880 --> 00:36:28.001
We're here to understand, empathize and also learn from other people, not just ourselves, and we attract like, so like energy attracts energy.

00:36:28.001 --> 00:36:38.985
So if you are experiencing or still have something in you that resonates with that frequency, you're going to track more of that until you figure it out and once you do, you won't attract it anymore.

00:36:39.105 --> 00:36:47.125
That's why it's so important to learn about yourself and your old patterns, and where it's coming from and your ancestors yeah, ancestors yeah yeah, learn about their stories.

00:36:47.246 --> 00:36:48.170
What were they going through?

00:36:48.170 --> 00:36:49.233
Is it still with you?

00:36:49.233 --> 00:36:53.010
Did you get, did that pass down to you, those emotions that they may have?

00:36:53.010 --> 00:36:53.371
My?

00:36:53.632 --> 00:36:54.012
husband.

00:36:54.012 --> 00:36:57.706
You know, he had two grandparents who died by suicide as well.

00:36:57.706 --> 00:36:57.927
You know.

00:36:57.927 --> 00:37:00.514
Can you imagine what got passed down over time?

00:37:00.514 --> 00:37:13.835
You know and even in my family, you know, um, there's been a lot that's been passed down and it's I'm realizing now, you know, seeing it in my mom and still lingering, and but she's very spiritual.

00:37:13.855 --> 00:37:14.778
It's hard to do too.

00:37:14.778 --> 00:37:17.378
The person we lie to the most is ourselves.

00:37:17.378 --> 00:37:30.960
We're very easy to convince if we're lying to ourselves and so just being painfully honest, but again nonjudgmental, see it and just look at it and go, huh, interesting.

00:37:30.960 --> 00:37:53.896
I mean, I've even had, I had a moment where, again, I feel like the Lord was trying to teach me something, but it was very humbling and please don't judge me audience but I felt this intense attraction to a little boy for about and I was like whoa and because of what I knew, I was like this is not me, this is not me, what is this?

00:37:53.896 --> 00:37:58.315
And worked with on it for about three hours and after three hours it left.

00:37:58.315 --> 00:38:01.822
But even something like that, you gotta go.

00:38:01.822 --> 00:38:11.403
Okay, there's this pedophile energy around me right now and it's gotta go, instead of saying oh my gosh.

00:38:11.824 --> 00:38:14.759
I must be attracted to children, and I'm a horrible person.

00:38:14.759 --> 00:38:27.090
No, just observe it, oh and so this is gonna be so good for the audience, because I think having that thought probably will produce even more guilt and maybe then that oh, yeah, keeps coming and more and more and more and more.

00:38:27.391 --> 00:38:43.641
And I love you mentioned that because I had a guest on and he shared his you know, suicidal thoughts and him saying he was in the car and had his gun beside him and he says I know it wasn't me telling me to pick up that gun.

00:38:43.641 --> 00:38:56.916
Yeah, that day, leaving his three kids and his wife, he's like something was telling me to pick up that gun, was telling me to pick up that guy, and that episode I was like gosh.

00:38:56.916 --> 00:39:02.289
It just reaffirmed what I felt in our home, that there was something there that was really scary and aggressive.

00:39:03.132 --> 00:39:06.719
You know, telling my husband to take him out, wanted to destroy you and your kids.

00:39:06.719 --> 00:39:10.958
And I look at you and you're like nope, not happening.

00:39:10.998 --> 00:39:14.748
Well, I start, luckily for me, as I felt that I started going.

00:39:14.748 --> 00:39:23.918
Okay, if he's not willing to do incorporate some of these work, I've got to start working on myself because I I can't have two parents fall, you know.

00:39:23.918 --> 00:39:36.362
So, allowing more light, you know, we're going to church and we're, you know, praying, exercising, going outside, having community, you know, but I, I still see it battling my family.

00:39:36.362 --> 00:39:43.039
As much as I've learned, these tools, like I said, oh, they can still, you know, I've seen it with my kids.

00:39:43.221 --> 00:39:48.458
Actually, who they attract and hang out with lately have been a huge lesson.

00:39:48.458 --> 00:40:04.097
It's almost like they're that child, you know, that friend has an entity or probably a darkness, and they kind of seeing my kids light, you know, and then they latch on to them and I see a behavioral change.

00:40:04.097 --> 00:40:14.849
I've seen that happen a lot, and so I've been trying to teach my kids to be very careful who you choose as a friend, you know, and to pray for them too.

00:40:14.849 --> 00:40:22.351
If you feel that they are not at a good place and there's a lot of jealousy and a lot of anger, let's pray for them.

00:40:22.351 --> 00:40:35.405
And actually lately I've been practicing if there is, you know, conflict and whatnot, just at nighttime in my meditation picturing, talking to them and explaining how I'm feeling, and I say I don't judge you yes.

00:40:35.887 --> 00:40:38.251
I love you, but this is not aligning.

00:40:38.251 --> 00:40:40.012
This is what I feel you know.

00:40:42.166 --> 00:40:55.456
That actually, if you don't mind me sharing a tool that I've learned in recent years, that's been incredibly helpful for me and that is that what you just talked about, like the practicing in your mind of what I'm going to say and do.

00:40:55.456 --> 00:41:07.269
And you can also do this with things that have already happened, so things that didn't go very well, or even things from 20 years ago that you're still thinking about every once in a while or all the time that bother you.

00:41:07.269 --> 00:41:08.773
You know, I wish I could have a do-over.

00:41:08.773 --> 00:41:09.574
Well, you can.

00:41:09.574 --> 00:41:11.485
Oh, I love that you can.

00:41:11.485 --> 00:41:20.739
I love the scripture that when you repent and you're forgiven, I remember your sins no more, like they're gone, I don't even think about them, and we can be the same.

00:41:21.925 --> 00:41:34.755
So you can go back to an event, something that went really poorly for you Maybe you made a poor choice or someone did something to you that really hurt and you do a redo and you can also invite, in a spiritual sense, that person who did you wrong.

00:41:34.755 --> 00:41:36.137
Let's try this again.

00:41:36.137 --> 00:41:37.827
Do you want to do over?

00:41:37.827 --> 00:41:38.710
Do you want to try this again?

00:41:38.710 --> 00:41:41.340
And you go through it a few times.

00:41:41.340 --> 00:41:57.280
Usually, I'll go through it for the first time for real, like, okay, this is what really happened Identify the emotions, ask the Lord to take them, and then I'll go through it again and do it the way I wish it had gone, the things I'd wished I did say, the things I wish I had done, or how I could have responded better.

00:42:02.967 --> 00:42:04.311
And same with them.

00:42:04.311 --> 00:42:06.876
Like the other person will respond just perfectly and.

00:42:06.896 --> 00:42:07.838
I think that's an incredible tool.

00:42:07.838 --> 00:42:08.641
It's a powerful tool.

00:42:08.641 --> 00:42:14.143
It creates these new neural pathways where you don't.

00:42:14.143 --> 00:42:14.603
It's I feel like you don't even think about what happened.

00:42:14.603 --> 00:42:20.494
It's not like you necessarily forget, because you can recall and go yeah, I guess it did happen that way, but you've created this new memory.

00:42:20.494 --> 00:42:23.695
You could literally create the childhood you always wish you had.

00:42:23.695 --> 00:42:25.251
You've had a horrible childhood.

00:42:25.251 --> 00:42:35.295
You can go back every night and think about the childhood you'd wanted, how your mother and father could have treated you, all the things you could have done and build the life you always wanted.

00:42:35.295 --> 00:42:54.074
And even if you did forget the original, does it really matter If you're living a thriving life built on the life you choose and the way that you wish you had been, and you can let all of those other things go and replace it with memories that can feel authentic to what you want now?

00:42:55.197 --> 00:42:55.657
I like that.

00:42:55.657 --> 00:43:01.476
I think that would be powerful too, because I think visualization and inner child work as well is kind of similar.

00:43:01.476 --> 00:43:15.965
It's going back and maybe speaking to that child and what does it need, and to rewire, repattern your brain in that memory, having a second chance, because I truly feel like that's what God wants us just not to hold on to that past.

00:43:15.965 --> 00:43:18.757
You know, every day you have a second chance, because I truly feel like that's what God wants us just not to hold on to that past.

00:43:18.757 --> 00:43:21.161
You know, every day you have a second chance.

00:43:21.161 --> 00:43:28.056
He doesn't want you to bring all your big suitcase of things from when you were little you know, let it go, let it go.

00:43:28.197 --> 00:43:36.713
And I, I think, with suicide survivors, I think that is the hardest uh part is that you're like oh the guilt, how come I didn't see this, how, how come I didn't do that?

00:43:36.713 --> 00:43:41.036
You know, but that was ultimately their choice.

00:43:41.036 --> 00:43:47.813
Yes, you know, would I wish that I would have known all the things I've learned now that I could have incorporated?

00:43:47.813 --> 00:43:52.045
Yes, absolutely, but yeah, just repainting that.

00:43:52.045 --> 00:43:54.541
I'm going to try that, you know, it's worked.

00:43:54.581 --> 00:43:56.914
Really, you call it the redo process.

00:43:58.085 --> 00:44:01.155
Yeah, like repainting, that I'm gonna, I'm gonna try that, you know, and it's like the redo method and and I like to use that with my kids.

00:44:01.175 --> 00:44:02.980
I like to take Jesus with me and like help me do this your way.

00:44:02.980 --> 00:44:07.815
Help me see this through your eyes, because it's all about so good with kids perspective.

00:44:07.815 --> 00:44:13.594
It's not the memory of what happened itself, it's how you put value into it or the meaning behind the memory.

00:44:13.594 --> 00:44:17.286
So if you can change the meaning, yes then you can heal it.

00:44:17.666 --> 00:44:21.317
I'm gonna use that, especially because my I find my kids are so hard on themselves.

00:44:21.317 --> 00:44:32.427
They've done something bad and it's not them, and actually you know, the more that I look at it, you know they have such a good heart, but sometimes they do things you're like whoa, that is really out of character like what is going on.

00:44:32.447 --> 00:44:33.188
You know there's something.

00:44:33.188 --> 00:44:33.349
What?

00:44:33.349 --> 00:44:39.195
Got into you yeah, what got into you exactly and I am gonna use that.

00:44:39.195 --> 00:44:44.449
You know they can go back and have that redo and it gives them hope and one for anger especially.

00:44:44.628 --> 00:44:45.692
I feel like we.

00:44:45.692 --> 00:44:48.545
When I was angry, I would always say I'm never gonna do that again.

00:44:48.545 --> 00:44:49.548
That was horrible.

00:44:49.548 --> 00:44:51.753
I would never do that again because I was very.

00:44:51.753 --> 00:44:54.532
It was like I was out of control in a very literal sense.

00:44:54.532 --> 00:44:58.467
When I would go into a rage, there was nothing I could do to stop it.

00:44:58.467 --> 00:45:01.755
Once it got to that point and it was horrible.

00:45:01.755 --> 00:45:04.208
And, yes, I got to be in charge of my own body.

00:45:04.208 --> 00:45:09.891
But there's a point where you got to stop it before it gets there, right, and I would always say I'm never doing that again.

00:45:09.891 --> 00:45:14.969
And then, sure enough, I would do the same thing again because those neural pathways was still in place.

00:45:14.969 --> 00:45:17.637
I was still programmed to do that when I got to a certain point?

00:45:17.724 --> 00:45:18.990
Do you find that was generational?

00:45:18.990 --> 00:45:20.271
Was anger passed down?

00:45:20.271 --> 00:45:22.052
Do you know that you know of?

00:45:22.646 --> 00:45:33.554
Yeah and no, mine was pretty bad and I did identify the ancestor it came from and it was a few generations back, so it wasn't necessarily everybody was angry.

00:45:33.554 --> 00:45:39.291
I was definitely angry and this ancestor was definitely angry, but I can't speak for everybody else because I don't.

00:45:39.291 --> 00:45:43.224
I didn't live with them, um but I talk about anger.

00:45:43.405 --> 00:45:47.583
Actually in my book as well I talk about and it was actually my daughter as I'm writing.

00:45:47.583 --> 00:45:49.371
She's like are you gonna talk about your anger?

00:45:49.371 --> 00:45:57.867
Because there were points I was suppressing so much my emotions with what was going on at home that they I would take it out and scream at my kids.

00:45:57.907 --> 00:46:07.856
And then I still remember looking in my little kids eyes and I felt like I consumed with the darkness and I almost was like this is not me and I'd cry myself to bed.

00:46:07.856 --> 00:46:11.090
You know how can I be doing that to these young, poor kids?

00:46:11.090 --> 00:46:13.679
And so, yeah, I was.

00:46:13.679 --> 00:46:15.865
That's why it's called the truth behind the smile.

00:46:15.865 --> 00:46:17.030
I talked about it all.

00:46:17.030 --> 00:46:21.253
You know the shame, because I know a lot of parents sit in that shame of being angry.

00:46:21.253 --> 00:46:24.793
You know, because we're holding on so much, we're so overwhelmed, we all have it.

00:46:24.885 --> 00:46:26.831
We take it out on these innocent kids, right?

00:46:26.831 --> 00:46:27.273
Yes, yes.

00:46:27.806 --> 00:46:28.630
I'm like oh gosh.

00:46:28.804 --> 00:46:29.927
My oldest two, which?

00:46:29.947 --> 00:46:35.414
I had to redo in so much of those years you know sadly I mean, I apologize to them.

00:46:35.916 --> 00:46:38.300
You know many times of I'm so sorry.

00:46:38.300 --> 00:46:40.409
You had to put up with me when I was a mess.

00:46:40.409 --> 00:46:47.813
Yeah, like you, god obviously knew you needed to come here and and help me through this process, but you didn't deserve any of that.

00:46:48.795 --> 00:46:50.746
And true, I've talked to my kids yeah.

00:46:51.007 --> 00:47:09.034
I know this is not what you deserve at all and I'm really sorry you deserve better and I feel like I'm most, most of the time, majority of the time, I'm the mom I always wanted to be and I never could have imagined or thought that was possible, you know, just even seven, ten years ago.

00:47:09.034 --> 00:47:12.795
And every year I feel like it gets just a little bit better.

00:47:12.795 --> 00:47:14.289
I learn new things.

00:47:14.289 --> 00:47:15.922
I'm still working and growing.

00:47:16.125 --> 00:47:18.170
You know you've created some journals, right.

00:47:18.170 --> 00:47:20.856
You've created books as well that are kind of a journal.

00:47:20.905 --> 00:47:23.773
Yeah, I have a workbook, the Overcome Depression workbook.

00:47:23.773 --> 00:47:25.356
I've just made the first one so far.

00:47:25.356 --> 00:47:28.335
I've been pretty busy with just podcasting, so I need to.

00:47:28.335 --> 00:47:32.068
I do want it to be a series eventually, but there's just the first one right now.

00:47:32.068 --> 00:47:41.385
It includes a coloring page from an intuitive friend of mine who she's so cool she creates these drawings that help people process certain things I have a friend like that.

00:47:41.447 --> 00:47:46.202
Yeah, it's really neat, and so it's a coloring page and then an srt.

00:47:46.382 --> 00:48:00.333
There's a qr code in there to an srt programming release that another friend of mine did for the book and and it also of course includes all of the podcast links, QR codes and journal prompts and different activities.

00:48:00.333 --> 00:48:05.327
You can do Everything from the podcast kind of compiled into a book.

00:48:05.347 --> 00:48:06.690
And what's the name of your podcast again?

00:48:06.710 --> 00:48:08.295
The Overcome Depression Podcast.

00:48:08.295 --> 00:48:08.715
Okay.

00:48:08.856 --> 00:48:12.070
I love it, I love it, I love it.

00:48:12.070 --> 00:48:20.849
Well, I think I'm so excited to just share all this information because I want people to be aware that sometimes that's not them.

00:48:20.849 --> 00:48:30.929
There's something darker, and I know for a while actually, I had a psychologist I prayed, unprayed when I moved here who would be my counselor, what kind of therapy I would need.

00:48:30.929 --> 00:48:50.190
And I meet this psychologist randomly at a nail salon and I knew she was sent for me and I worked with her for a long time and now we're friends and I was just on her podcast but she, as I was telling her my story, she was like and I love she was a doctor, a psychologist, but she brought faith into it.

00:48:50.190 --> 00:48:50.472
She's a.

00:48:50.512 --> 00:48:57.190
Christian and she says oh, melissa, you know that darkness you're talking about, it's probably in you now too.

00:48:57.190 --> 00:49:08.030
You know, because when you have a partner, whatever you know they have, and you sleep with them, and you know that darkness can enter you as well, and your family, your kids, you know, just got to identify it, bring it to light.

00:49:08.030 --> 00:49:09.467
Bring it to light, yeah, but she's.

00:49:09.467 --> 00:49:10.992
You know, at first I was a little scared.

00:49:10.992 --> 00:49:18.989
I'm like, well, I don't call it a demon.

00:49:18.989 --> 00:49:22.858
That creates fear, and that's not what I think we want to create is more fear about that, but just more awareness.

00:49:22.858 --> 00:49:28.994
You know that it is a real thing and, um, how to keep it at bay is with more light and light is so much more astronomically powerful.

00:49:29.054 --> 00:49:33.032
It doesn't take a lot of light to dispel the darkness, you just have to let it in.

00:49:33.032 --> 00:49:35.737
Stop blocking it out with guilt and shame.

00:49:35.797 --> 00:49:37.201
Yes, yeah, fear.

00:49:37.201 --> 00:49:56.472
And as I dove into my second book, I realized that fear compromises your immune system and I had this vision in april that these entities are entering, uh, through our gut lining, a compromised gut lining, and they are really, I mean I don't know kind of vision, Even just on a foundational level.

00:49:57.394 --> 00:50:04.976
Yeast and parasites are wiggly little things that are alive and they're not pleasant you want to minimize those.

00:50:05.146 --> 00:50:11.472
Yeah, and they cause inflammation in the brain and then clouds your you know your judgment and depression as well.

00:50:11.552 --> 00:50:13.588
So it just that was a big part of my healing too.

00:50:13.588 --> 00:50:15.434
Later down the road was the detoxing.

00:50:15.434 --> 00:50:16.396
Oh, did you Okay?

00:50:21.824 --> 00:50:22.726
That was kind of the next big step.

00:50:22.726 --> 00:50:22.987
What did you?

00:50:23.007 --> 00:50:26.336
detox was there like mold toxicity, because I did the body ecology diet, okay it it about ruined me.

00:50:26.336 --> 00:50:32.556
It was so hard and I I never realized how badly I was addicted to sugar until I quit it.

00:50:32.556 --> 00:50:43.858
Cold turkey and in all of its forms, because on that diet you don't get milk, you don't get nuts or seeds, you don't even get beans or cheeses or I don't know any fruit, no fruit at all.

00:50:43.858 --> 00:50:48.317
So it's literally you're starving your body of any sugar whatsoever.

00:50:48.525 --> 00:50:50.211
Because certain parasites that's what they want.

00:50:50.211 --> 00:50:52.472
Yeah, the yeast, and the parasites work together.

00:50:52.844 --> 00:50:54.389
And I wanted to die.

00:50:54.389 --> 00:50:55.514
I mean, I didn't want to.

00:50:55.514 --> 00:51:00.134
I was never the kind who would actually go through with it, but I was just like just end it now.

00:51:00.134 --> 00:51:01.297
This is too hard.

00:51:01.297 --> 00:51:05.094
But I knew if I didn't go through with it I was going to be sick for the rest of my life.

00:51:05.094 --> 00:51:05.945
It was just.

00:51:05.945 --> 00:51:10.572
It was one of those things I was having trouble and that was that was the answer, and I knew it.

00:51:10.572 --> 00:51:13.195
So I did it, but it was brutal hard.

00:51:13.195 --> 00:51:23.177
But on the other end, my body looked so much better, healthier, my brain was working, clearer, my face started clearing up People who had been afraid.

00:51:23.177 --> 00:51:24.449
They're like why are you doing this?

00:51:24.449 --> 00:51:25.514
You're losing so much weight.

00:51:25.514 --> 00:51:27.945
This is horrible and they're trying to talk me out of it.

00:51:27.945 --> 00:51:36.672
When they saw me after the fact, we're like wow, Wow, you were right, Like this clearly was good.

00:51:37.226 --> 00:51:46.152
Yeah, I've been through that role with my kids, which is sometimes a little harder with kids to go through those detoxes because you kind of have to slow and steady, you know.

00:51:46.152 --> 00:51:58.554
That's rough, but yeah, it's so important that you cleanse on a daily basis as far as what you put into your body, because they all play a big role of your mental health.

00:51:58.824 --> 00:51:59.849
Yeah, your gut and your brain.

00:51:59.849 --> 00:52:01.690
They're both brains.

00:52:02.989 --> 00:52:04.675
Yes, exactly, exactly.

00:52:04.675 --> 00:52:12.548
So it's been an honor to have you on and we'll put in the show notes how to follow you, listen to you and your workbook.

00:52:12.548 --> 00:52:13.974
Keep them coming, thank you.

00:52:13.974 --> 00:52:15.826
Yeah, thank you very much.