EP 22: Your Story Might Be the Light Someone’s Looking For

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He was given less than a 10% chance to survive.

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But Brickman Allen didn't just survive, he rose.

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Today he's sharing his unfiltered story from battling bullying and depression to finding faith, to building a life that empowers others to overcome the darkest moments of their lives.

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If you're struggling, if you've ever questioned your worth, if you need proof that God can use the broken, you're not alone.

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This conversation will shake you, heal you and ignite something deep inside you.

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Let's get into it.

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This is Not Alone.

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With Melissa, sue Methvin, and my guest today is Brickman Allen.

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I am so honored to have you here and to share your story because I know this is why I do this.

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It always reaches someone, and many others that we'll never know, so welcome.

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Oh, thank you so much, and thank you so much for the invite.

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I love your mission, I love your focus and I'm hoping that between the two of us today, we can connect with somebody that really needs to hear this message to improve their life.

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Yes, I'd love to start your story of the home invasion Because I think just to understand what you went through during that- yeah, yeah.

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So it was basically 22 years ago.

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I was married just one year and one month.

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So basically in that newlywed honeymoon phase, my wife had already experienced some tough things, but our first year was really blissful.

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Other than that, we had a miscarriage that had occurred months earlier and by the time that we hit that year and one month mark, we were figuring things out.

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And my wife was pregnant, again at about three months earlier, and by the time that we hit that year and one month mark, we were figuring things out.

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My wife was pregnant, again at about three months pregnant, and we came home from a friend's birthday celebration of his one-year-old daughter.

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As we came home, it was just.

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It just felt like things were in place, we had it figured out, we both were well-employed, we had what we understood to be a healthy baby, you know, being born in about six months.

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Was that different than before?

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Was that different than years before?

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Well, you know, the first year of marriage, I've always been told is the hardest right.

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You've got two minds that come together that really struggle a lot of times in financial.

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You know understanding how we're handling finances, what does the future look like?

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And we'd only known each other five months before we got married.

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So we were in this expectation that the first year was going to be hard and in reality the first year was one of the easiest in our life, other than that miscarriage.

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We really focused and centered on God.

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We were trying to bring that religious part into our life and we were learning how to compromise and live together.

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So you know the hardship of having that miscarriage and then wondering is there something wrong?

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Are we ever going to have a child?

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Everybody who experiences miscarriage goes through that and it's devastating.

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And we had to do a lot of blood tests, weekly blood tests, to understand why the miscarriage occurred and if it was due to some type of genetic thing going on.

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Did you get any answers?

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once you dug more into it.

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No, no answers.

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It was just everything looks good, go ahead and try again.

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And so we tried again, and three months in, everything was great.

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The heartbeat was strong.

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We were, you know, we had just bought our first home.

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We had been there for six months, just, things were clicking and it was amazing.

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And then we go to bed that night, just in this blissful state of thinking about the future, and I forgot to close the garage door all the way down and watch it all the way down.

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You know, in life it's the simple things that really lead to great, greater tragedy or greater things that really lead to greater tragedy or greater things that we aren't expecting.

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All I had to do was watch that garage door and I didn't.

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And so the garage door opened back up because a fishing pole fell in front of the sensor.

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I didn't lock the inner garage door, and so at 5 o'clock in the morning, july 11th of 2003, a man walking through the neighborhood saw an opportunity for a quick score, and so he just walked right into the house.

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We were still asleep and he starts going through my wife's purse, and when he didn't find the quick cash he was hoping for, he grew angry, threw it on the ground, went into the kitchen, grabbed an eight inch chef's knife and then actually removed his shoes so he could be as quiet as possible as he crept into the master bedroom.

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Actually, removed his shoes so he could be as quiet as possible as he crept into the master bedroom and when he got there, I'm not sure what the whole situation was, um why he was so angry.

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He was a perfect stranger to us, but he was so angry he stabbed me in the chest with that knife and put all eight inches of the blade into my body and then broke two ribs with the handle.

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That's when I woke up to my wife screaming and a man standing over us and attacking us.

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It's probably the first time I felt fear in my life like absolute fear, and it was just reactionary at that point.

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Yeah, what was your reaction?

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Were you thinking this is it, I'm done?

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Or you were ready to just found strength and courage to fight back?

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You know, yeah, you know, it's interesting.

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I have this firm belief that in life we're prepared for what comes next.

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God always finds a way to prepare us, even when we don't feel prepared.

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If we look back, we figure it out.

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In high school I was this smallest kid in school in my grade, you know, 16 years old, maybe five feet tall in my cowboy boots and less than 100 pounds, and I've got this big name Brickman right.

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So I was bullied a lot.

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By the time I got to the point that I was big enough to stand up for myself.

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I'd been reading books, like Lula Moore.

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I'd been learning about cowboys.

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My dad, he always told me the cowboy was the white knight, he was the one that protected other people, like that was his duty.

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And so I'd like to say that in that moment where, when we woke up, we pushed the man off the bed opposite of where my wife was at and the full cowboy protector just came, kicked in and I got up, and as I got up and started to fight him, my wife did the amazing thing of grabbing a cell phone and running down the hall taking care of herself and our unborn child, which to this day, I'm extremely grateful that she had the strength of mind to run.

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Yeah, because a lot of people freeze in those situations as well, you never know how you're going to react.

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And the crazy thing is, it's so funny because, you know, on social media I'll put my story out there and people will say, well, why didn't she help fight?

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And that's you know.

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When you're a protector and my whole job is to protect my wife, and if she's in the fight, all I'm going to be thinking about is positioning myself between her and the attacker.

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With her out of the room, I could focus on one thing.

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And so she did this absolute amazing thing and talk about.

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Just.

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We call them tender mercies, you can call them many miracles or whatever you want, Just things started to happen that kind of proved to me that there's a higher power that's really looking out for us in ways we don't recognize.

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As she's running down the hall, she hears 911, what's your emergency?

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And she looks down and somehow that cell phone had called 911.

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Oh my gosh, I got okay.

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You just said that and I get this.

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They're like little signs, affirmations, I get full goosebumps.

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Yeah.

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You're saying that it was.

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And the amazing thing is is on the other line someone goes, the person who said 911, what's your emergency?

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It was the most tenured person in that call room, the one with the most experience Wow, and the one with the most experience.

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And my wife goes.

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This is my address.

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My husband's being attacked and before my wife finished the sentence, she had already issued an all alerts bulletin to send everybody to our house.

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So she was able to get down the hall and lock herself in a room and then it was just my job to keep him from getting to her.

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And we know that the total process before the police arrived was three and a half minutes, because we have copies of the 911 call.

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We can't listen to it.

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It is the most heart-wrenching thing you'll ever hear.

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Oh yeah, because she's sitting there saying how she can hear me and she's wondering if I'm alive Wow.

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But we know that at the three and a half minute mark is when the police arrived, and at the three minute mark you can hear sirens in the background.

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And at the three-minute mark you can hear sirens in the background, and I remember, at three minutes, finally getting to the point where I have him pinned to the ground by God's strength and mercy and trying to figure out what's going on and have a conversation with him.

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Yeah, how do you look in his eyes?

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You know, If you looked at him in his eyes, what did you see?

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I used to tell people it was the first time I saw pure evil.

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Okay, I love that you say that, because I feel that I felt pure evil, whatever overcame my husband.

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I felt that.

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I felt that.

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So I'm so glad you said that and I would see it in his eyes and I could feel it.

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So that's why I was so curious what you saw, cause you talked about this anger that you felt in this intense energy.

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Something was, you know, kind of in him, you know.

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I, I have this theory, and it's it's personal belief, that when, when you are seeing that somewhere in your life, whether it's coming from somebody else or you're feeling it internal, it's because there's an opposing force to good.

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And that opposing force knows when you're on the precipice of greatness and it's going to throw everything at you to keep you from greatness.

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And was I at that point in my life?

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I don't think so.

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I don't think the next day I was going to go out and try to change the world, but somehow that opposing darkness, that opposing force to good and to God was trying to keep me from being able to be a force for good in the future.

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And whatever means this person who attacked me, he was a drug addict.

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He was.

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What was his history?

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Did you ever learn about him?

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We did.

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And whatever means this person who attacked me, he was a drug addict.

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What was his history?

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Did you ever learn about him?

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We did.

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He actually escaped that day.

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They didn't catch him for 15 years, wow.

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But we knew from the get-go that he probably was high as a kite.

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He shoved.

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We used to have M&Ms on the front coffee table.

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He shoved his pockets full of M&Ms and so we got these cool crime scene photos where all the way down the street are M&Ms just scattered like Hansel and Gretel to where he went.

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So it's we're kind of like okay, he had the munchies or whatever was going on.

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Right he was, he was craving food and there, and his history was.

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It's heartbreaking.

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And we found out later on, born into an abusive family, just broken home, where he was abused constantly, they finally removed him from that home and put him in foster care Again into a place of abuse and neglect.

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The only time that he found any type of community was in gangs.

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And then you have this process where through gangs, he got into violence, he got into drug use and was just completely addicted to drugs.

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The longest he's ever been out of prison his entire adult life is about six months.

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Oh, wow.

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Because he keeps going back for drug use or for petty theft or these other things.

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This was his big first crime.

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But yeah, his story was that he was completely under the control of substance and when you're completely under the control of substance you are more apt to that place of anger or that loss of self-control.

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And that's pretty much what happened and he was just angry in that moment yeah, in that moment, yeah, I mean, I think you know crystal math you're saying like the sweets and all that stuff and uncontrollable.

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But that's why I'm always so curious.

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What was their early life?

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You?

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know you talked about abuse and if he was never worked on himself with that trauma that self-worth was so taken away from him, stripped away as such a young man, and then he seeked it in the wrong places and environment.

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It sounds like his environment just kept getting darker and darker.

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Yeah.

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Right, cause that is what felt safe to him Right, and bringing on all that darkness Cause I even say that in my book is like you have to be so watchful in your environment because more darkness that you bring in, then you're in that dense kind of energy and you're kind of further away from God.

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Yeah, right To allow that light in.

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And for my husband, by the end I could tell, couldn't see the light, couldn't see it, you know, and it sounds like that's kind of where he was at and that you saw.

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You know, unfortunately you were, you know, at the his tipping point, you know.

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Yeah, you know, at his tipping point.

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Yeah, you know, yeah, and if you really think about it, I think that part of the empowering process of forgiveness that we had with the my wife and I with him think about every single masculine example he had in his life abused him or was physically, you know, attacking him, even in gangs.

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I mean, it's a hierarchy where there there never is peace and it's always who is the toughest one in the room.

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So he's always in this environment where the masculine person has to not only be tougher than everybody else but has to dominate them, and so his only understanding is abuse and physical power.

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And so when he's angry and he's in that place of darkness like you're talking about, that's where he goes is to abuse and physical power.

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And who can I overpower and dominate?

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Another strong man to prove himself.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, wow.

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And then, so you said so I love the call where it's.

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You know, god's little miracles, you know, and I saw that even in my own you know trauma finding my husband.

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They were a quickness to the nine, um, 9-1-1, all the everybody that came, the ambulance, the fireman and the police.

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They all said normally they it would take a half hour or more because of where we were on the island and but that day everything happened so quickly, you know, like the little miracles that happened for us to to kind of create almost an an if flow for us.

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You know, for that day and and ease to help us guide us through, you know, but I do day and ease to help us guide us through, you know.

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But I do remember before I went into that room I prayed to God.

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I said please, help you know, protect me.

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You know, and I love that God showed up for you as well.

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And then once you were stabbed and they arrived I mean after that you know your wounds, were you taken?

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obviously, right away to the hospital?

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Yeah, yeah, and you know your wounds.

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Yeah, Were you taken, obviously, right away to the hospital.

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Yeah, yeah, and you know really quick before we go there.

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I just want to mention something that you brought up.

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You know we have these many miracles, this tender mercy.

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Sometimes God's hand is not fixing things, it's easing the burden enough so that we can carry the load.

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Yes, and that's what he did for you.

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It sounds like that's what he did for you.

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It sounds like and that's what he definitely did for us.

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So when the police came in and they cleared the house, they grabbed my wife, and one of the things I'm so grateful for is this police officer that grabs my wife and actually takes her outside, wraps her in a blanket, puts her in a cruiser police cruiser in the driver's seat and starts the car and said I'm going to stand right here, but if you feel scared, just drive off in the car.

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And he was all about protecting her, and to the point that after I was put in the ambulance and taken away, before he took her to the hospital, he went into the house and tried building two or three different outfits for her to choose from so she could change into something like.

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This man was just so gentle and concerned about her mental welfare when he knew that she was physically safe and, as a man that's a protector, thinking back on that, I'm just eternally grateful that there was this man, that was put there by God, that had that tender heart.

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And I love that you say angels, because we think of angels with halos and wings, but they're not.

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They're the people that come into our life.

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Yes, uh, that really change things yeah, for me was the always say talk about the organ donor specialist at the hospital, because I finally I had to have a meeting with him and it was all so consuming and they were saying, okay, yeah, he's an your husband's an organ donor and you go through all the logistics and you're like I don't want to do this paperwork.

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But he truly was an angel, because I was frantic to find therapy for my children and and I said, well, how, you know, how can I explain everything you need to help me find a therapist?

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And and he says no, he looked at me.

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He said no, you're gonna need it first, because they're gonna look at you on your healing, and uh, so I said okay, and he gave me this number of this gentleman that I did a zoom with and it changed my life forever.

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That's how I was taught breath work and you know, I remember, through that breath work, saying that I felt god and I felt peace, you know.

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And so he was definitely an angel, guiding me to my own healing, taking time for my own healing, and and, uh, giving me that therapist's name and how important that was to take care of me first.

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Yeah, isn't that amazing how he he saw that, he recognized it and he led you towards that.

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Yeah, I mean, it's just, it's amazing.

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The people that come into our life, right, and that's that's what happened.

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I mean these paramedics, these SWAT.

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They come in, they clear the house, they put me on a helicopter and I I like to teach, you know, I teach a lot in religious platforms.

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I teach at high schools, I teach at corporations about, you know, overcoming trials, but in those religious settings I like to teach that, you know, god has perfect timing and we sometimes forget that.

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And one of the most amazing things is they put me in a helicopter flying towards Scottsdale Memorial Hospital.

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And for those of you that aren't from Arizona and don't know Scottsdale, scottsdale's kind of like our Beverly Hills.

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It's where you can go there and you can see the rich cars, the big homes, absolutely the Scottsdale Memorial Hospital top of the line, everything.

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You know.

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If there's something 10 years old in that hospital, I'd be absolutely surprised.

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And as a person, that's really.

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You know, I was stabbed seven times and I fainted from the loss of blood Flying to the hospital.

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I flatlined twice.

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So you would think let's go to the hospital with the highest paid doctors and the state-of-the-art equipment.

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But halfway there I was in and out of consciousness.

00:18:19.492 --> 00:18:26.792
And I come to and I hear the pilots yelling that Scottsdale's gone dark, they're no longer responding and they weren't going to be able to land there because they couldn't get clearance.

00:18:26.792 --> 00:18:29.027
And one yells I've got Maricopa.

00:18:29.027 --> 00:18:42.666
And they banked that helicopter and we went towards Maricopa County Hospital and Maricopa County Hospital is using equipment that's 30 or 40 years old, so this is 2000.

00:18:42.666 --> 00:18:46.435
So they're using equipment from the 1960s and 1970s in this hospital.

00:18:46.435 --> 00:18:52.630
If it was me personally I'd be like no, no, I'll wait my turn at Scottsdale, right.

00:18:53.372 --> 00:19:14.272
But the interesting thing is I land at this hospital and this nurse that's over the trauma unit in the operating room in the ER grabs two surgeons One was going on shift, one was coming off shift and she put them in the room and she says I need you now puts them in there and they start operating on me and they immediately find out my lung was kind of sliced in half, so I lost a third of my right lung.

00:19:14.272 --> 00:19:15.624
They just removed it.

00:19:15.624 --> 00:19:18.596
Your lung has lobes and so they just took the third lobe.

00:19:18.596 --> 00:19:22.125
You can function fine with less lung capacity.

00:19:22.707 --> 00:19:26.294
The diaphragm they were able to repair, but the liver was at about 15% functionality.

00:19:26.294 --> 00:19:34.109
And so they go through this process of getting me stabilized, putting me on a ventilator that's breathing for me 75% of the time.

00:19:34.109 --> 00:19:37.007
They put 33 units of blood into me.

00:19:37.007 --> 00:19:54.990
My body holds nine, so I bled out three times and they finally get me to this point of stabilized and in this induced coma and they leave the incision in my stomach for surgery open so they can monitor this liver, because the liver can actually heal itself 100% if it's healthy, especially, you know, if there's no alcohol use in it beforehand.

00:19:54.990 --> 00:19:57.446
It's this miracle organ, really.

00:19:57.708 --> 00:20:11.904
I always talk about that Like our bodies can heal itself if we give it that space to do so right, like that time, that clarity, that clarity, yes and that's all they wanted to give, and so they just figured he's in a coma, he's not going to move around, we're going to kind of see what's going on.

00:20:11.904 --> 00:20:17.651
And then they come out and they go to talk to my parents and my wife, you know, basically saying it's time to go back and say your goodbyes.

00:20:17.651 --> 00:20:19.261
He's probably not making it 24 hours.

00:20:19.261 --> 00:20:22.969
The most interesting thing is these two top trauma.

00:20:22.969 --> 00:20:33.471
These two surgeons were the top surgeons in that hospital and they had never worked on a patient ever in their life together until I showed up right when one was going on shift and one was going off shift.

00:20:33.800 --> 00:20:41.409
So I like to talk about how God and his little mini miracles held me off from going to Maricopa County just long enough to redirect me at the exact time that I got there.

00:20:41.409 --> 00:20:45.170
Now the other amazing thing is I love Maricopa County Hospital.

00:20:45.170 --> 00:20:46.262
They actually just built a new one.

00:20:46.262 --> 00:21:00.557
They demolished the old one that I was at, but they have this burn unit there that is world renowned, and so doctors actually come from all over the world to learn how to operate and to act in trauma situations to Maricopa County Hospital.

00:21:00.557 --> 00:21:16.373
Even with this depleted, unuseful equipment equipment they are world renowned, and so it's amazing that where I thought I needed to go this pretty place scott, still with all the high-tech equipment god knew I where I needed to be wow, god's timing.

00:21:16.653 --> 00:21:20.143
I just I love all these little miracles that you're pointing out.

00:21:20.143 --> 00:21:23.934
That is a perfect timing for for everything and gotta trust it.

00:21:23.934 --> 00:21:32.821
And almost you had mentioned forgiveness as well to your attacker how important that was probably for your own healing and your wife as well.

00:21:32.821 --> 00:21:41.125
Uh, you know, I have often people asking me wow, how can you be grateful for what happened, right, the suicide?

00:21:41.125 --> 00:21:43.332
I said I had to be forgive.

00:21:43.332 --> 00:21:47.423
Yeah, you know, I had to forgive and be grateful for it all.

00:21:47.423 --> 00:21:52.474
As hard as that is to say, you know, but to forgive I had to forgive.

00:21:52.474 --> 00:21:54.963
You know of that pain and for same for you.

00:21:54.963 --> 00:21:56.528
You know how did you guys?

00:21:56.528 --> 00:22:04.209
Um, how long did it take you to get to that point to start forgiving, and did you guys have resistance to forgiving?

00:22:04.789 --> 00:22:06.721
Yeah, you know, I think so.

00:22:06.721 --> 00:22:12.722
I was listening to an earlier guest and they said something about grief is like a fingerprint it's different for every person.

00:22:12.722 --> 00:22:30.415
Forgiveness is the same way my forgiveness, partly because I just because of my past experience in high school and being bullied and in that state of depression and experiences from when I was a younger child, forgiveness became an obsession to me.

00:22:30.415 --> 00:22:33.148
It was kind of this interesting thing my mom would talk to me about all the time.

00:22:33.148 --> 00:22:35.548
Rick, not everybody's black and white.

00:22:35.548 --> 00:22:38.988
It's not that everybody has to do it the right way.

00:22:38.988 --> 00:22:40.105
There's other ways to do it.

00:22:40.105 --> 00:22:41.545
You need to forgive people.

00:22:41.545 --> 00:22:42.448
You can't hold the grudges.

00:22:42.448 --> 00:22:44.326
It was just constantly being told to me.

00:22:44.326 --> 00:22:46.875
It you need to forgive people, you can't hold the grudges.

00:22:46.875 --> 00:22:48.220
It was just constantly being told to me.

00:22:51.299 --> 00:22:53.505
And when I came out of the coma, I was supposed to be in that coma for weeks at a time.

00:22:53.505 --> 00:23:02.310
I only was in the coma for three days and immediately when I came out of the coma, somehow I realized that there was a lot of anger and darkness and people towards this man.

00:23:02.310 --> 00:23:22.808
I couldn't do anything about it other than forgive him myself, to almost release everybody else, to give them permission to forgive, and so forgiveness for me was kind of this miraculous process that because I'd been working on it again, I think that we're prepared for the next step and so I'd been prepared to learn how to forgive.

00:23:22.808 --> 00:23:50.453
I forgave him before he even left the hospital and in a sense, because of the process I went through, I had this deep, abiding love for the man that it's very hard for me to explain Only because I can say that you know, part of it was to help other people be released, to forgive, but partly that I had learned that holding on to whatever anger we have is basically channeling that darkness you talked about inward.

00:23:50.775 --> 00:23:52.529
Yes, it just hurts, you.

00:23:52.750 --> 00:23:52.951
Yes.

00:23:53.125 --> 00:23:53.988
Holding on to anger.

00:23:53.988 --> 00:23:57.413
I always have the analogy, you know, the backpack and the rocks in the backpack.

00:23:57.413 --> 00:24:01.936
You hold that resentment and it just brings you down as well.

00:24:01.936 --> 00:24:03.806
So you've got to start letting it go.

00:24:03.806 --> 00:24:05.951
I know I you talked about the hospital.

00:24:05.951 --> 00:24:08.217
I forgave, you know, my husband as well.

00:24:08.217 --> 00:24:14.518
On, of course I saw his pain, but just seeing my children's pain, it was just also a mix of anger.

00:24:14.518 --> 00:24:17.111
You know how can you do this to the kids as well.

00:24:17.111 --> 00:24:30.417
But I forgave him there on the bedside, you know, because I just had compassion, compassion and almost I felt sorry that I couldn't see that depth of this pain beforehand.

00:24:30.417 --> 00:24:35.633
And I know you mentioned depression when you were younger because you were being bullied.

00:24:35.633 --> 00:24:39.006
How did you, how did you survive that bully?

00:24:39.006 --> 00:24:54.111
Because sometimes nowadays I know somebody that works at a um, the hope institute here in arizona and they get calls in elementary schools now for suicidal thoughts and that's scary yeah that's scary and I know a lot of kids.

00:24:54.290 --> 00:24:58.169
You know my kids go through some bullying and here and there, so I'd love to for you to.

00:24:58.169 --> 00:24:59.191
How did you?

00:24:59.191 --> 00:25:01.195
It sounds like you had a great.

00:25:01.195 --> 00:25:02.471
You know your mom talk about.

00:25:02.417 --> 00:25:02.590
How did you?

00:25:02.537 --> 00:25:03.144
navigate that.

00:25:03.144 --> 00:25:03.461
You know what a great you know your mom.

00:25:03.406 --> 00:25:12.255
Yeah, talk about how did you navigate that you know, what's interesting is is as somebody who's in depression and experiencing bully, we become masters at hiding it.

00:25:12.255 --> 00:25:22.990
We're some of the greatest actors in the world and and really we have proof of that I mean, look at robin williams with this funny, amazing actor who was fighting depression his entire life and he hit it so well.

00:25:22.990 --> 00:25:42.809
So it's interesting because my mom had no idea I was suffering through depression or the suicidal ideation that I was experiencing in high school until she came to a speaking event I was at in my 30s and I remember telling the story and looking over and just seeing tears rolling down her face and it was heartbreaking for me.

00:25:42.809 --> 00:25:52.601
And I come across people from high school all the time and they're like Rick, I had no idea.

00:25:52.601 --> 00:25:54.088
And so that's the as a parent.

00:25:54.088 --> 00:25:56.840
If you have a parent and you're watching your children, you just have to look for those signs.

00:25:56.840 --> 00:25:57.202
What are?

00:25:57.222 --> 00:25:57.664
those signs.

00:25:58.508 --> 00:25:59.893
Yeah, they try to isolate themselves.

00:25:59.893 --> 00:26:02.874
They're nonresponsive when you ask them questions.

00:26:02.874 --> 00:26:04.672
A lot of times it's a change in behavior.

00:26:04.672 --> 00:26:09.911
They'll you know before school starts they were eating really well, they were sleeping really well.

00:26:09.911 --> 00:26:18.796
If they don't want to go to bed all of a sudden, where before they went to bed, it's a sign that they don't want to go to sleep because that means they've got to go wake up the next day and go to school.

00:26:18.796 --> 00:26:27.834
It's the little tiny nuances of change of who they were to a new person, and those signs say something's going on.

00:26:27.834 --> 00:26:35.307
And it may not be depression, it may be other things that are going on, but as parents we have to be hypervigilant of watching the little nuance and change.

00:26:35.347 --> 00:26:37.073
Yes, I always say observe.

00:26:37.073 --> 00:26:41.255
Actually, I'm writing a second book right now and in it I I have this chapter, I chapter.

00:26:41.255 --> 00:26:42.077
I say observe.

00:26:42.077 --> 00:26:53.909
We have to go with our intuition, you know, and observe our children, observe their, what they're trying to tell us, right, and what are their symptoms.

00:26:53.909 --> 00:26:55.876
Because I talk about, um, gut health.

00:26:55.876 --> 00:27:21.196
Actually we've gone through some mold toxicity and it was really hard because it mimics so many other illnesses, right, but I had to just be really diligent of just observing, observing the symptoms and when it's coming and going, when we were going away for a couple weeks and, oh, we're feeling really healthy, but when we come back and they're back at school and this, and that the symptoms are coming back.

00:27:21.196 --> 00:27:23.173
So I love that you say just observe.

00:27:23.173 --> 00:27:27.571
Maybe even journaling is what I say Start journaling and seeing patterns.

00:27:30.289 --> 00:27:41.157
Yeah, and the key as a parent and I'll get back to kind of talking about how I experienced it as a kid but as a parent, the thing is we have to bring safety into every conversation with our children.

00:27:41.157 --> 00:27:44.484
And that sounds a little bit interesting.

00:27:44.484 --> 00:27:50.388
Growing up in the generation where we were told to rub dirt on it and just walk it off right, we didn't talk about therapy.

00:27:50.388 --> 00:27:52.094
We didn't talk about psychiatrists.

00:27:52.094 --> 00:27:53.036
That was a no-no.

00:27:53.036 --> 00:28:08.976
You know, growing up in a very masculine, centered way of life, you know cowboys, roping and training horses and whatnot, you're not given a lot of leeway to be showing emotion, and not that my parents ever discouraged it, it's just that was society at the time.

00:28:08.976 --> 00:28:14.884
And the unfortunate thing is is now, as adults, we carry that into our adulthood and our children.

00:28:14.884 --> 00:28:29.280
If they never see us vulnerable, if they never see the emotion that shows that we have weakness, we're destroying things and that's the greatest strength that we have, especially as men to show that vulnerable side of it.

00:28:30.104 --> 00:28:33.596
I currently do keynote speaking on what I call vulnerable leadership.

00:28:33.596 --> 00:28:36.605
It's interesting I wear a cowboy hat.

00:28:36.605 --> 00:28:37.307
I'm six foot tall.

00:28:37.307 --> 00:28:38.289
I'm not your smallest guy.

00:28:38.289 --> 00:28:41.298
Every stage I get on I'm shedding tears.

00:28:41.298 --> 00:28:48.516
My office has seen me cry over experiences I've had, as I shared experience and struggles and trials with them.

00:28:48.516 --> 00:28:53.292
My kids have seen me cry on multiple occasions and for the longest time I didn't let that happen.

00:28:53.292 --> 00:28:58.778
I fought against it until one day I just kind of let, so to say, the dam break and I just let the waters flow.

00:28:58.778 --> 00:29:06.409
And the amazing thing is is that when you do that and you let down your own guard, the other person lets down their guard.

00:29:06.609 --> 00:29:09.497
Yes, and they're going to open up, right.

00:29:10.599 --> 00:29:13.712
So it's one that you've got to give that safe space by showing the vulnerability.

00:29:13.712 --> 00:29:15.186
But the other thing is, it's your reaction.

00:29:15.186 --> 00:29:16.449
I'm not perfect.

00:29:16.449 --> 00:29:18.053
My kids will tell you that I'm not.

00:29:18.053 --> 00:29:19.916
Neither am I.

00:29:19.916 --> 00:29:20.417
Yeah right.

00:29:20.417 --> 00:29:26.085
But when your kid comes to you and you said I made a mistake, if you're an adult and you're saying, why would you screw up like that?

00:29:26.085 --> 00:29:34.292
Or I can't believe you'd do that, and if you immediately attack them, all you're saying is, every single time you come and be honest with me about when you made a mistake, I'm going to be mad.

00:29:34.292 --> 00:29:43.873
But if you change the script and when they come to you and say I've made a bad mistake, dad, and you say wow, that was really hard for you to tell me.

00:29:43.873 --> 00:29:44.472
Thank you so much.

00:29:44.472 --> 00:29:48.817
I'm so proud that you could come to me and tell me that you made a mistake.

00:29:48.817 --> 00:29:50.019
Now, how are we going to work on this?

00:29:50.019 --> 00:29:51.099
How are we going to fix it together?

00:29:51.460 --> 00:29:52.320
Yeah, I love that.

00:29:52.320 --> 00:29:53.122
That's beautiful.

00:29:56.105 --> 00:29:57.868
And so if you have a kid facing depression, which one is?

00:29:57.909 --> 00:30:05.380
going to go to safe communication and connection and sometimes leaving that space for that.

00:30:05.380 --> 00:30:07.730
So making time for connection.

00:30:07.730 --> 00:30:08.633
You know I try to.

00:30:08.633 --> 00:30:10.076
Really that's why I created that.

00:30:10.076 --> 00:30:15.414
I call it my sacred corner and where we can connect on deeper level and do kind of a.

00:30:15.414 --> 00:30:18.351
Now I call them gut check-ins, you know where?

00:30:18.471 --> 00:30:21.241
are they at and being really open, and actually I do that.

00:30:21.241 --> 00:30:22.065
I did that with my daughter.

00:30:22.065 --> 00:30:23.910
She kind of shared something that was going on.

00:30:23.910 --> 00:30:32.089
I said wow, you know, I'm really honored that you're sharing that with me and you feel comfortable and you feel safe and I hope to always be that safe place where you can.

00:30:32.089 --> 00:30:34.817
You know even the things that are so hard for her.

00:30:34.817 --> 00:30:35.922
Yeah, you know to.

00:30:35.942 --> 00:30:47.320
Maybe she's done something wrong, like you said yeah, yeah, and you know, and unfortunately I didn't that, and it wasn't because my parents wouldn't have reacted the right way, it's just the generation I grew up in.

00:30:47.806 --> 00:31:01.846
And so what's interesting is I was struggling and I was spiraling, uh, and a substitute teacher, of all people, who was teaching for about two weeks, somehow recognized I was in this dark place of depression.

00:31:01.846 --> 00:31:04.494
And if you've never experienced depression, most people don't understand it.

00:31:04.494 --> 00:31:08.352
It feels physical, it feels like it weighs you down.

00:31:08.352 --> 00:31:10.872
And somehow he saw this.

00:31:10.872 --> 00:31:14.875
And so one day I came in and he was teaching science and biology.

00:31:14.875 --> 00:31:25.590
I think he threw away the entire lesson plan for the day and he put a pencil down on the desk right in front of me and he starts teaching the class about how if you repeat something enough times, you'll believe it absolutely.

00:31:25.590 --> 00:31:30.512
And he says if you say enough times you can't pick up that pencil, it'll get to the point where you can't pick up the pencil.

00:31:30.512 --> 00:31:38.585
And then, as class ends, he asked me to stay behind and have a conversation with him, and this scared me because my whole thing was is.

00:31:38.585 --> 00:31:41.830
I ran from one classroom to the next because the bullies were everywhere.

00:31:41.830 --> 00:31:57.212
They felt like around every corner I was going to be attacked, and so I had planned routes where I could get to the next class the fastest and avoid people wow, so always living in that fight and flight at school all day long yeah so that alone living in fear yes

00:31:57.594 --> 00:31:59.357
right, as God says, when you're living.

00:31:59.357 --> 00:32:15.666
If it's a kind of a yeah, that lower kind of for me I always call it frequency, frequency or energy and so that draws in more of that kind of darkness, cause you start believing that you're unworthy and you're not loved and so you're believing all of that.

00:32:15.666 --> 00:32:17.089
I love that teacher.

00:32:17.089 --> 00:32:20.487
I said watch your thoughts, cause I'm constantly teaching my kids.

00:32:20.487 --> 00:32:23.002
My son will spiral with thoughts like that.

00:32:23.002 --> 00:32:30.796
Yeah, you know unworthiness and guilt and shame, and I actually posted a whole bunch of affirmations in this room.

00:32:30.796 --> 00:32:31.277
Yeah.

00:32:31.767 --> 00:32:33.432
And you have to be so mindful.

00:32:33.432 --> 00:32:33.874
Yeah.

00:32:33.874 --> 00:32:34.968
Especially for kids.

00:32:34.968 --> 00:32:37.095
What you're constantly saying, that little shame.

00:32:37.095 --> 00:32:37.335
Yeah.

00:32:37.335 --> 00:32:39.789
Or I call it actually the little bully inside your mind.

00:32:39.809 --> 00:32:41.874
It is, I'm like what is this saying yeah.

00:32:41.874 --> 00:32:43.718
The worst bully in our life is the one internal.

00:32:44.137 --> 00:32:53.394
You know, it's always, and I say it's that enemy of light and enemy of goodness that's putting that in your head and you spiral and as soon as it starts coming down on you, you get worse and worse.

00:32:53.394 --> 00:33:00.448
But the interesting thing is is somehow he recognized in me that integrity was very important.

00:33:00.448 --> 00:33:02.030
It was something that was very instilled with me.

00:33:02.030 --> 00:33:08.326
And I don't know how it was like is this guy some like master wizard, psychiatrist or you know whatever?

00:33:08.326 --> 00:33:12.726
But he said, brick, I'm not going to let you leave this room until you make a promise to me.

00:33:12.726 --> 00:33:17.606
And that promises is that for the next 30 days you'll look in the mirror and say something positive about yourself.

00:33:17.606 --> 00:33:19.269
But you can't repeat yourself once.

00:33:19.269 --> 00:33:23.479
And at first I refused.

00:33:23.479 --> 00:33:26.114
And so he says you can't leave until you commit to this.

00:33:26.114 --> 00:33:28.471
And so I freaked out and I said, fine, I'll do it.

00:33:28.471 --> 00:33:31.169
And I ran out and that, fine, I'll do.

00:33:31.169 --> 00:33:35.252
It was me committing to something and if I don't follow through, it ate away at me.

00:33:35.252 --> 00:33:38.054
And so it was a week or two later that I started that process.

00:33:38.884 --> 00:33:51.313
And what's funny is at the time we had saturday night live and you had I think it was stewart smiley and he would sit in front of the mirror as part of his little like show and and skit he'd say I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it people like me.

00:33:51.313 --> 00:33:59.038
He says the same thing over and over again and I think that sometimes we do the wrong thing with words of affirmation.

00:33:59.038 --> 00:34:09.016
I think they're very powerful, but I think if you're saying the same thing over and over again, you become a broken record and you say it just to say it and there's no belief behind it and that's where you lose the power.

00:34:09.016 --> 00:34:24.275
So him telling me I had to do something different every day was interesting at the time, very forward thinking, and I did it and it was really a humbling experience at first, because you know you look in the mirror and you're just like hey brick, you're, you're a nice guy.

00:34:24.275 --> 00:34:26.639
Uh, you start running out of ideas.

00:34:26.639 --> 00:34:30.235
I remember by week two I'm winking in the mirror telling myself I'm a ladies man.

00:34:30.556 --> 00:34:37.224
You know like seriously I used to turn on the shower, the bathtub, I'd flush the toilet.

00:34:37.224 --> 00:34:46.117
I had both things going, cause I knew that my siblings were just outside the door listening and I'm like they're gonna blackmail me for life right that is hilarious, oh my god you know.

00:34:46.197 --> 00:34:47.619
And then it gets worse.

00:34:47.679 --> 00:34:54.050
I mean, I remember right after that you know all hundred pounds flexing and looking in the mirror and telling myself I'm the strongest person I know.

00:34:54.050 --> 00:34:55.673
I didn't know the truth behind it.

00:34:55.673 --> 00:35:02.019
I mean going to school every day when it's just dark halls and darkness and like the things that you see that you just want to avoid.

00:35:02.019 --> 00:35:04.306
I was seriously strong.

00:35:04.346 --> 00:35:06.530
I just how old were you then, when you were saying?

00:35:06.550 --> 00:35:08.717
16 years old, 16, okay, 100 pounds.

00:35:08.737 --> 00:35:22.788
This is why okay, my huge mission to bring all of this in schools correct you know, like to teach them these tools of emotional intelligence and, and yeah, these affirmations, the journaling, the your breath yeah like you know.

00:35:22.788 --> 00:35:27.650
I think it just needs to start, because there's just too much depression at this young age.

00:35:27.650 --> 00:35:28.193
Right now.

00:35:28.193 --> 00:35:33.976
There's a loss of connection, there's a lot of fear and the busyness it's scary.

00:35:34.065 --> 00:35:37.253
I mean, I speak at schools and that's my mission.

00:35:37.313 --> 00:35:38.737
You do, oh yeah, oh, I love that.

00:35:39.005 --> 00:35:45.271
Getting in front of schools and teaching this Well, so here's the thing I've been speaking.

00:35:45.271 --> 00:35:59.855
I gave my first what you could say kind of a keynote in a religious setting at the age of 18 years old, so I kind of already was on that process of speaking in front of individuals, trying to share a message of hope and encourage people to live better.

00:35:59.855 --> 00:36:07.161
Years later, in my 30s, I'm sitting here wondering why I received so many great things from the home invasion.

00:36:07.161 --> 00:36:10.170
I see it as one of my greatest blessings, one of the greatest gifts I've ever received.

00:36:10.170 --> 00:36:13.657
But I was thinking for a short time.

00:36:13.657 --> 00:36:16.472
I started thinking, well, why did it have to be so painful and drastic?

00:36:16.472 --> 00:36:17.715
Why, you know?

00:36:17.715 --> 00:36:25.958
Because one of the things that happened was is my wife ended up having a stillborn with that baby that she was pregnant with, wow, and so he took our unborn child.

00:36:25.978 --> 00:36:37.139
He took our safety, our home everything, and so I sat there and I was thinking why is it that it had to be this crazy, crazy experience?

00:36:37.159 --> 00:36:39.693
you know it's so funny you say that because I keep going.

00:36:39.693 --> 00:36:43.742
Okay, god, thank you, you know, I went through that I survived it.

00:36:43.802 --> 00:36:47.297
Please, I don't want anything else yeah, don't give me another one like that.

00:36:47.358 --> 00:36:51.791
Yeah, you know, yeah because, yeah, we can look back and say we survived it, we went through this.

00:36:51.791 --> 00:36:55.646
But why did it have to be so yeah, painful, so hard?

00:36:55.646 --> 00:37:03.476
Gosh, I didn't know that your wife lost the baby afterwards as well, so now you guys had to grieve that as well.

00:37:04.717 --> 00:37:10.512
It was one of the most destructive could have been the most destructive parts of our life.

00:37:10.512 --> 00:37:30.606
My wife and I, we had this amazing relationship, and we talk about what helped us survive that, and we talk about you know how is it that it made us stronger as a couple, and the amazing thing, though, is is that we both recognize the good and the reason behind it, and so we're very open communication, always talking, and not always.

00:37:30.606 --> 00:37:31.853
We haven't always been that way.

00:37:31.853 --> 00:37:36.030
We've gotten a lot better, uh, as we've gotten older and kind of realized the power in it.

00:37:36.030 --> 00:37:40.811
But the most amazing thing for me is is looking back and wondering why did we have to go through these hard things?

00:37:41.974 --> 00:37:57.512
And I remember I was sitting in front of an audience of high school students, and there was probably I don't know maybe 800 kids in this auditorium, and all I see is the top of their head and a glow from screens on their face as they're looking down at their cell phones.

00:37:58.405 --> 00:38:01.543
And I'm starting to talk and I'm trying to sit here and I'm thinking how am I going to get these kids to engage with me?

00:38:01.543 --> 00:38:04.550
And I'm starting to talk and I'm trying to sit here and I'm thinking how am I going to get these kids to engage with me.

00:38:04.550 --> 00:38:08.387
The key to being a great speaker is having a conversation with a thousand people at once.

00:38:08.387 --> 00:38:10.373
You're not speaking at them.

00:38:10.373 --> 00:38:13.628
You're trying to have a conversation, you're trying to get them to engage.

00:38:13.628 --> 00:38:18.786
And I wasn't getting anything and I'd been asking why was this so hard?

00:38:18.786 --> 00:38:24.434
And all of a sudden I said and the man stabbed me in the chest and it was like watching the wave at a sporting event.

00:38:24.434 --> 00:38:31.253
Every single head comes up and the phones went down and I just remember thinking in my mind and hearing just this little statement.

00:38:31.653 --> 00:38:45.315
This is the reason I got full goosebumps right, I mean wow yeah, so that's like you're seeing that the reason you're what you're saying is like you got stabbed so you can reach those teenagers because they are not going to listen.

00:38:45.315 --> 00:38:58.311
You know, they're on their phones, most of them, and then they're face down until you have this like intense story of being stabbed and they're like, whoa, got to listen to that, so God gave you that gift.

00:38:58.452 --> 00:38:58.614
Yes.

00:38:58.704 --> 00:39:01.994
So you can reach the hearts of teenagers and children.

00:39:02.215 --> 00:39:05.911
Yes, it's basically shocking them out of their cell phone coma.

00:39:05.911 --> 00:39:08.201
Yes, I mean, that's all, it is Okay.

00:39:08.201 --> 00:39:11.951
And in that moment, all of a sudden, my thoughts and my life changed.

00:39:11.951 --> 00:39:14.878
I stopped asking why did this happen to me?

00:39:14.878 --> 00:39:16.487
And I changed it to.

00:39:16.487 --> 00:39:21.827
Why was I trust, trusted enough that I could take this experience and make something good?

00:39:21.847 --> 00:39:28.492
Because God knows you're sharing his light, yeah Right, with all these children, because you're talking about faith and you know.

00:39:28.492 --> 00:39:30.257
And what are you teaching these children?

00:39:30.257 --> 00:39:32.594
Like, once you get their attention, what are you telling them?

00:39:33.125 --> 00:39:36.829
You know it's interesting because you're in schools and so you can't go into God.

00:39:37.291 --> 00:39:37.793
Oh right.

00:39:39.126 --> 00:39:43.918
But I let them ask questions at the end, and every single time somebody asks do you think God helped you through this?

00:39:43.918 --> 00:39:49.492
And they open the door and now I can answer Okay, but there are other ways of teaching it.

00:39:49.492 --> 00:39:50.987
Brene Brown did this.

00:39:50.987 --> 00:40:01.675
I think it was a TEDx talk or a keynote and she talked about the odds of you being born into your place in your time, into your family, with your personality, your characteristics.

00:40:01.675 --> 00:40:07.971
And somebody did the math and the odds are actually 1 in 400 billion.

00:40:07.990 --> 00:40:20.976
And listen, some people may think that we act in circumstance, in the roll of the dice, but if we're talking about God, who has perfection in mind and thinks perfectly and does things perfectly, that 1 in 400 billion wasn't a roll of the dice, it was with intention.

00:40:20.976 --> 00:40:23.143
And so, if it's with intention, 1 in 400 billion wasn't a roll of the dice, it was with intention.

00:40:23.143 --> 00:40:25.956
And so, if it's with intention, one in 400 billion other options.

00:40:25.956 --> 00:40:28.947
And he said brick, I'm putting you here and I'm going to let you experience this.

00:40:28.947 --> 00:40:39.047
So, even if you don't even bring god into it, you can say your chances of living and going to the school you're in, being in the united states or wherever you're at and having the privileges you have is one in 400 billion.

00:40:39.047 --> 00:40:40.088
What are you doing?

00:40:40.088 --> 00:40:42.472
You won the greatest lottery there ever was.

00:40:42.472 --> 00:40:44.355
What are you doing with your life?

00:40:45.115 --> 00:40:55.451
And if you think that you are in the worst place in your life and it's not for me to teach them that it's not right, there's other ways to teach it but I want them to see how special they are.

00:40:55.451 --> 00:40:56.693
So that's the first thing.

00:40:56.693 --> 00:40:59.407
I want you to see how special and how amazing are you.

00:40:59.407 --> 00:41:05.577
And once we can get them to kind of start thinking in that direction, like, wow, why am I out of the one with 400 billion?

00:41:05.577 --> 00:41:07.460
Why, what is that?

00:41:07.460 --> 00:41:08.121
What does it mean?

00:41:08.121 --> 00:41:15.628
Then you start talking about one in 400 billion, of being put into a place where you're surrounded by people who love you, and some of you people.

00:41:15.628 --> 00:41:17.393
Some may say, well, nobody loves me.

00:41:17.393 --> 00:41:25.510
Well, I can tell you that the teachers that we had in school, they're there not for the paycheck, they're there because they love the kids.

00:41:25.510 --> 00:41:35.579
The counselors, the other students that you know see you and want to be your friend, but we ignore them, right?

00:41:35.579 --> 00:41:41.898
There's so many other aspects of life that point to our worth than just that one in 400 billion.

00:41:41.965 --> 00:41:43.887
But we almost have to see it ourselves first.

00:41:43.887 --> 00:41:47.900
Yes, right, because a lot of times, uh, they could be like you said.

00:41:47.900 --> 00:41:49.365
My son actually does that sometimes.

00:41:49.365 --> 00:41:51.597
Like I don't have any friends, I'm like, what are you talking about?

00:41:51.978 --> 00:41:56.657
you have so many friends yeah, but I think it's a lot of his self-worth right.

00:41:56.657 --> 00:42:00.748
So they have to love themselves first, then they'll see the love all around them.

00:42:00.748 --> 00:42:02.650
And that was actually a lot with my husband.

00:42:02.650 --> 00:42:08.900
He knows he's a great six foot four man, you know, good looking, he has all the things.

00:42:08.900 --> 00:42:11.407
He was a dentist.

00:42:11.407 --> 00:42:14.213
His self-worth, wasn't it His own self-love?

00:42:14.213 --> 00:42:17.759
So how could he see all the love that surrounded him?

00:42:17.759 --> 00:42:21.353
You know his wife, his children, the community.

00:42:21.353 --> 00:42:22.784
He had so many friends he did.

00:42:22.784 --> 00:42:23.807
You know he had so many friends he did.

00:42:23.807 --> 00:42:26.416
He couldn't see it because first you need to see it yourself.

00:42:26.416 --> 00:42:29.974
So I love that you're teaching that to kids early on.

00:42:29.974 --> 00:42:34.175
It truly has to start with them to see the love around them.

00:42:34.865 --> 00:42:43.748
And the thing is, I tell them of this story about me speaking to the mirror and I tell them, you know, pay attention, because you know when you're lying, especially a kid that age.

00:42:43.748 --> 00:42:46.115
Every single one of them has lied to their parents.

00:42:46.115 --> 00:42:47.264
I mean, let's be honest, right?

00:42:47.264 --> 00:42:51.675
If we think our kids have never lied to us, we're lying to ourselves right.

00:42:53.166 --> 00:42:56.195
So it's one of these things where it's like okay, kids, you know when you're lying.

00:42:56.195 --> 00:43:05.411
So when you look in the mirror and you say something that's profound and truthful and positive about yourself, pay attention to how you feel in that moment and think do I feel like I'm lying?

00:43:05.411 --> 00:43:10.454
Now, not believing and not truth is two different things.

00:43:10.454 --> 00:43:17.295
Right, we can say all the things that we don't believe in, but if they're the truth, we have to identify the truth.

00:43:17.295 --> 00:43:28.230
So what's amazing to me is, towards the end of that 30 days, I started saying things like Rick, anybody would be lucky to be your friend because you are loyal.

00:43:28.230 --> 00:43:30.172
You will defend them to the death.

00:43:30.172 --> 00:43:31.791
You are a protector.

00:43:31.885 --> 00:43:38.355
I started naming all these different things that were very positive about myself, and the most amazing one is it was towards the very end.

00:43:38.355 --> 00:43:41.608
I finally looked in the mirror and I said you're a loved son of God.

00:43:41.608 --> 00:43:45.916
I was so hit with love that it just it changed my entire life.

00:43:45.916 --> 00:43:51.916
That was the moment that I was converted to God and to Christ and that changed that.

00:43:51.916 --> 00:43:53.985
I just wanted to be closer than my entire life.

00:43:54.085 --> 00:44:06.150
Oh wow, so you just felt it in that moment, in that moment in that moment because I think those things, like you said in the beginning, those affirmations, those children might not believe it or adults might not believe it.

00:44:06.150 --> 00:44:08.610
At first they're like, oh, this is silly, I'm looking at myself in the mirror.

00:44:08.610 --> 00:44:12.715
But if you say it enough, you start seeing it.

00:44:12.715 --> 00:44:19.742
You're training your mind now, you're kind of rewiring your mind to see how God sees you.

00:44:19.943 --> 00:44:20.123
Yeah.

00:44:20.403 --> 00:44:20.585
Right.

00:44:20.945 --> 00:44:34.297
Yeah, and that power of saying something and believing it is is one of the greatest gifts that God's given us, everything that we can accomplish in life.

00:44:34.297 --> 00:44:37.878
You look at it, the people that are so confident that always seem to be successful and lucky.

00:44:37.878 --> 00:44:45.699
It's not that they're successful and lucky more than anybody else, other than the fact that they just believe inherently that they're going to figure a way out to be successful.

00:44:45.699 --> 00:44:50.155
They're going to figure a way out to do it, and that's why they do it.

00:44:50.155 --> 00:44:53.800
And those that are just after two or three times are like I guess I can't do it.00:44:53.800 --> 00:44:59.099


It's because they never found that inner warrior, that inner peace, that inner power that we all have.00:44:59.099 --> 00:45:03.878


We just have to tap into it, and I love that you're saying about your children with friends.00:45:03.878 --> 00:45:09.313


So I've got kids and all my kids have unique names and maybe I curse them with the same.00:45:09.333 --> 00:45:10.355


How many kids do you have?00:45:10.355 --> 00:45:11.817


So I, I got four kids, yeah.00:45:11.856 --> 00:45:13.059


So, my oldest name is Rockwell.00:45:13.059 --> 00:45:14.960


I got a daughter named Tyler.00:45:15.422 --> 00:45:16.923


Then I got my second son.00:45:16.923 --> 00:45:17.724


His name is Bronco.00:45:17.724 --> 00:45:22.670


And then my youngest son is Maverick.00:45:22.670 --> 00:45:23.251


Oh my gosh, I love all these.00:45:23.251 --> 00:45:24.492


Yeah, so just out there, there's meaning behind all of them.00:45:24.492 --> 00:45:28.635


But the funny thing is all my kids, especially my boys, they're like oh yeah, I don't have any friends.00:45:28.635 --> 00:45:30.777


And then we'll go to like parent-teacher conference or whatever.00:45:30.777 --> 00:45:34.740


We'll walk in the halls with our kid and it's just hey, bronco, what's up, hey Rocco, what's up?00:45:34.740 --> 00:45:35.722


And we're like dude.00:45:35.722 --> 00:45:39.706


I thought you said you didn't have any friends, but we've had 10 people yell out your name and wave to you.00:45:39.706 --> 00:45:41.567


And Bronco's the funniest one of all.00:45:41.567 --> 00:45:44.393


He's just like what's up?00:45:44.393 --> 00:45:48.420


He just keeps walking and you're just like dude.00:45:48.500 --> 00:45:50.664


When they don't find that in themselves.00:45:50.664 --> 00:45:55.215


Yes, and one of the things that I think is so amazing that so many people miss.00:45:55.215 --> 00:45:58.083


So and I know this isn't.00:45:58.083 --> 00:46:05.494


Basically, we talk about God quite a bit today and it's not religious, but if you read the Bible, christ talks about two great commandments.00:46:05.494 --> 00:46:08.516


One is love God and the other one is love your neighbor.00:46:08.516 --> 00:46:10.137


But he doesn't end with love your neighbor.00:46:10.137 --> 00:46:12.918


He says love your neighbor as yourself.00:46:12.918 --> 00:46:15.376


So, but he doesn't end with love your neighbor.00:46:15.376 --> 00:46:16.222


He says love your neighbor as yourself.00:46:16.222 --> 00:46:20.739


So is Christ really saying we should love ourselves first, and then we can actually more fully love our neighbor?00:46:21.990 --> 00:46:24.318


Oh, I love that, so true.00:46:24.590 --> 00:46:26.538


So what are we doing to love ourselves, though?00:46:26.831 --> 00:46:29.018


Yes, yeah, we've lost touch with that.00:46:29.018 --> 00:46:51.871


Yeah, I feel like society, but now more and more people especially as they have more guests on and asking how they got out of their depression, in their dark times, they had to spend time with themselves, yeah, so find space to be alone with themselves, with their feelings, and be truly honest and then start the process of loving all parts of them and forgiveness yeah it all started there.00:46:51.931 --> 00:46:54.994


That self-awareness, yes, and digging deeper.00:46:54.994 --> 00:47:00.561


As to the barriers, you know, sometimes I always say I have to get out of my own way.00:47:00.561 --> 00:47:07.719


Yeah Right, because I'll have doubts and I'm like God has a plan, yes, and I need to be confident and step into that plan.00:47:07.719 --> 00:47:09.677


You know, I'm like, oh, tiptoeing around it.00:47:14.469 --> 00:47:16.097


But I get out of my own way, say, okay, god will just keep opening up these doors.00:47:16.097 --> 00:47:16.760


He's told me to share my voice.00:47:16.760 --> 00:47:21.255


Even though I grew up being the most I like my family, when I go back to Quebec city they're like who are you?00:47:21.255 --> 00:47:29.918


I was the most shy person, so quiet, I hid always behind a little smile, but I did not like to go on any stages.00:47:29.918 --> 00:47:32.382


I did not like to get in front of all cameras.00:47:32.382 --> 00:47:36.077


I could even barely watch myself at old videos back in the day.00:47:36.077 --> 00:47:36.478


You know.00:47:36.478 --> 00:47:41.896


And now look what I'm doing, you know and using my voice because I know there's a power into that.00:47:41.896 --> 00:47:44.289


But I just kind of had to just get out of the way of.00:47:44.289 --> 00:47:51.317


What God is telling me to do is to use my voice and with more practice I get more confident, right and and believe in myself.00:47:51.317 --> 00:47:56.240


But I had to really work with my self-worth and my self-doubt.00:47:56.521 --> 00:47:56.661


Yes.00:47:56.702 --> 00:47:59.483


Saying I have everything I need to do this.00:47:59.483 --> 00:48:00.204


Yeah, you know.00:48:00.744 --> 00:48:11.512


And I think the truly powerful thing is is when you can find the thing you hate most about yourself and find purpose behind it, and so few of us try to do that For me.00:48:11.512 --> 00:48:14.561


You know I talk about myself in high school.00:48:14.561 --> 00:48:18.556


I'm this little guy big name and I grew out of it.00:48:18.556 --> 00:48:26.059


But the other thing that happened at the time is I had this lazy eye and my lazy eye is actually in control as long as I don't look up.00:48:26.059 --> 00:48:44.277


But when you're the littlest guy in the room and you want to be a small target, you don't look up with your head, you look up with your eyes and want to be a small target, you don't look up with your head, you look up with your eyes, and when I look up with my eyes, they split apart to opposite ends of my face and I'm pretty much blind and I used to hate that, absolutely hated it, and now it's the greatest thing.00:48:44.318 --> 00:48:53.681


I've passed it on to two of my kids to have the same thing and we love to sit in church and when the kids in front of us look back at us, we'll do it and then the kids will start giggling and by the time the parents look back at us to see what's going on.00:48:53.681 --> 00:48:55.885


We're all got our normal faces back on, right.00:48:55.885 --> 00:49:02.632


So the thing that I hated most about myself when I was younger is actually one of the things I love most, and I my kids love it.00:49:02.632 --> 00:49:04.295


So how?00:49:04.295 --> 00:49:18.378


So I found something that brings joy to other people and makes kids just laugh uncontrollably and and you know, we're on a podcast so nobody can see it, but it's pretty unique, but it's.00:49:18.378 --> 00:49:32.679


The whole point is, if you can find that thing that you look in the mirror and you think I hate that about me and you spend time trying to figure out why would a God with perfect knowledge give me that he doesn't make mistakes?00:49:32.699 --> 00:49:37.291


So if he didn't make mistakes, no so he didn't make mistakes, but he gave that thing I hate most.00:49:37.291 --> 00:49:38.916


What's he trying to do for me?00:49:38.916 --> 00:49:43.286


Is this a gift, you know?00:49:43.286 --> 00:49:46.556


And that's that's something each one of us has to discover yeah, that's so true.00:49:46.577 --> 00:49:51.190


I love that, I'd like to love it and to get empowered by it.00:49:51.190 --> 00:49:52.733


And some people put barriers.00:49:52.733 --> 00:49:56.943


They'll say, well, I can't be a doctor because I don't have all these straight A's.00:49:56.943 --> 00:50:03.672


But you know, what you can do is maybe hire a tutor, right, hire somebody that's really good at it and you can still.00:50:03.672 --> 00:50:07.849


It might take a little bit longer but you can still become that Right.00:50:07.849 --> 00:50:12.621


And maybe God did that just so, who knows, you'll have other gifts.00:50:12.621 --> 00:50:20.764


Once you are that doctor, you'll have a different understanding because you worked so hard, you know, to get there and didn't see it as a barrier, right.00:50:20.764 --> 00:50:23.670


And oftentimes we do that with the things we don't like, yeah, like.00:50:23.670 --> 00:50:25.396


For me it was like communication.00:50:25.396 --> 00:50:26.079


So what did I do?00:50:26.079 --> 00:50:30.173


As I wrote my book and my publisher's like you're going to have to get out there.00:50:30.173 --> 00:50:37.282


Well, I hired a public speaker, coach, right, and to help me with that, to have that confidence, and it takes practice.00:50:37.282 --> 00:50:45.590


So I think, yeah, anyone that doesn't like something just start loving it and forgiving it and grace and compassion.00:50:47.253 --> 00:50:50.141


I think the game you play of what if?00:50:50.141 --> 00:50:51.476


Can be very interesting in that scenario.00:50:51.476 --> 00:50:55.322


Let's say you're talking about that person that wants to be a doctor and they just don't have the grades.00:50:55.322 --> 00:51:04.833


And they work really hard to learn how to study and even with all their efforts they never get above a B average and they just don't get into medical school.00:51:04.833 --> 00:51:07.561


They grow up, they have a child, their child.00:51:07.561 --> 00:51:10.456


They teach them the study habits they learned.00:51:10.456 --> 00:51:17.159


That child excels, that child goes to college, becomes this world-renowned doctor who cures some disease.00:51:17.179 --> 00:51:23.036


Right, we don't understand the gift that we're given and hopefully, maybe after this life we will.00:51:23.036 --> 00:51:29.798


But the problem is, is all we focus on is I didn't become a doctor instead of looking at what really happened?00:51:29.798 --> 00:51:38.418


So the greatest example I can share with you is is one day in school I got choked out by a bully in class A teacher trying to stop it.00:51:38.418 --> 00:51:40.362


It was one of the lowest points.00:51:40.362 --> 00:51:41.932


I received death threats.00:51:41.932 --> 00:51:44.119


I was hit in the back of the head with rocks, I was taped to a tree.00:51:44.119 --> 00:51:51.730


It was brutal and my kids have heard my stories because they come and listen to me speak all the time.00:51:52.974 --> 00:51:59.777


Well, my oldest son, rockwell he actually was bullied one day in class and they started to choke him out and he stood up for himself and pushed the kid off.00:51:59.777 --> 00:52:04.217


But because of zero tolerance, he was suspended and I had to go pick him up from school.00:52:04.217 --> 00:52:09.030


When I picked him up from school, we're driving home and I said you know?00:52:09.030 --> 00:52:17.512


I looked over at Rockwell and I said Rockwell.00:52:17.512 --> 00:52:19.056


And I said Rockwell, why do you think God let that happen to you?00:52:19.056 --> 00:52:22.362


Why do you think that you know you're being picked on like you are?00:52:22.382 --> 00:52:27.942


And after a moment he looked at me and he said Dad, now that I know what it feels like when I get older, I can make sure I help other people and stand up for other people.00:52:27.942 --> 00:52:28.827


It was like full circle.00:52:28.827 --> 00:52:39.300


That's why I was bullied To see the kids that I have, not because of who I am, but because of the experiences I have and because I'm vulnerable in sharing them.00:52:39.300 --> 00:52:47.010


With them, my kids are empowered to be different and so when they experience the same experience I have in high school, they react differently.00:52:47.010 --> 00:52:49.197


And so me being bullied in high school.00:52:49.197 --> 00:52:58.490


Yeah, I've talked to thousands and thousands of kids, but the most important effect it had was on my own children and how it gave them strength and empowered them to be.00:52:58.510 --> 00:53:06.860


So you're stopping that generational and maybe you know, maybe your grandfather or who knows parents got bullied and but you're stopping it now yes with your kids.00:53:07.021 --> 00:53:10.773


You know, and, and that's how I feel, my whole why is that?00:53:10.773 --> 00:53:30.543


You know there was suicide on both sides of scott's family and and um, I'm saying that's it, it's not, it's stopping here, it's not gonna happen for my kids because I'm gonna give them all the tools for emotional intelligence and and um, just self-love and self-worth.00:53:30.543 --> 00:53:31.771


I want to know.00:53:31.771 --> 00:53:38.157


That's why I keep diving into all the modalities, because I'm curious and I love having guests that were addicts, that were.00:53:38.157 --> 00:53:39.721


I want to know.00:53:39.721 --> 00:53:50.376


I, after my husband died, that's all I wanted to read was stories of people, how they got out of the darkness and I started seeing common threads come, common things.00:53:50.376 --> 00:54:01.802


You know, faith was a big one, you know, and there was the journaling taking space for meditation and the affirmations, and you know, therapy of course, therapy.00:54:01.902 --> 00:54:05.255


I've done a lot of therapy and that's helped so much.00:54:05.255 --> 00:54:17.617


You know writing I actually say that writing now that I've been writing my second book it's so healing yeah, I tell everybody to write a book, even if it's just for you, and then I never thought I'd write a book either.00:54:18.298 --> 00:54:22.173


Yeah, but just start writing that you come to your own clarity.00:54:22.173 --> 00:54:23.878


Writing that's what I find.00:54:23.878 --> 00:54:28.253


It just gets me out of where I'm kind of confused where I'm going.00:54:28.253 --> 00:54:41.820


But when I write it down and I'm rereading it I'm like, oh okay, these are maybe past patterns that's showing up and there's just little signs that you start noticing.00:54:41.820 --> 00:54:43.697


And it's very healing to write.00:54:44.572 --> 00:54:46.739


And it's interesting when you start to write especially.00:54:46.739 --> 00:54:48.456


I think everybody should write a memoir.00:54:48.456 --> 00:54:49.420


Yes, right.00:54:49.420 --> 00:54:49.641


Yes.00:54:49.789 --> 00:54:54.195


And reflect, because it's a big thing about reflecting and I'm not good at journaling but I've.00:54:54.195 --> 00:54:56.682


I speak so much on what happened that it's.00:54:56.682 --> 00:54:59.230


It's like a verbal, you know, tradition.00:54:59.230 --> 00:55:01.574


There was tradition of verbal stories being passed down.00:55:02.356 --> 00:55:11.016


But I sat down to write the book because everybody's write a book about the home invasion, write a book about the home invasion and I sat down I can't even tell you how many times and I couldn't write a single thing about the home invasion.00:55:11.197 --> 00:55:14.364


I was speaking about it weekly and I couldn't write anything.00:55:14.364 --> 00:55:32.398


And finally I just took a breath and I just started writing and I wrote my book, the Bully Guard, and it's my story in high school of being bullied and how I overcame the depression and the suicidal ideation how learning to love myself empowered me to change the culture of my school completely.00:55:32.398 --> 00:55:37.619


And I didn't even recognize it until years later when somebody was telling me the effect that that all had.00:55:37.619 --> 00:55:49.601


I didn't understand all of it until I started writing and it was almost like I couldn't write the home invasion story because I needed to write the first story before the pre-sequel or whatever prequel.00:55:49.601 --> 00:55:50.824


Right, I had to write that.00:55:50.824 --> 00:55:54.559


And so it's interesting because everybody's like well, when are you going to write the book about the home invasion?00:55:54.559 --> 00:56:01.838


I'm like I don't know, but I've got this other book and it's more for teenagers so you can read it, but it's going to help your kids more than anything.00:56:02.742 --> 00:56:03.985


I love that.00:56:03.985 --> 00:56:15.519


I love that you wrote that book and, like you said it, now to change the culture, your own family.00:56:15.579 --> 00:56:15.780


Yes.00:56:15.980 --> 00:56:18.302


You actually did that for that whole school.00:56:18.302 --> 00:56:21.405


So it's like God knew you could handle it, you can survive it.00:56:21.405 --> 00:56:24.347


So he's like, oh, we're going to make it really bad for him.00:56:24.347 --> 00:56:26.833


Like I mean you had death threats.00:56:26.833 --> 00:56:29.559


I mean it was so bad, but he knew you were strong.00:56:29.559 --> 00:56:38.739


He gave you that gift and now to save that school, all the other students that probably couldn't have made it through.00:56:38.778 --> 00:56:45.257


Yeah, it's interesting because you know, growing up, the way I grew up, where I would get bucked off a horse and I'd be hurt and my mom would say, you're getting back in the saddle.00:56:45.257 --> 00:56:47.931


And they'd put me in the saddle and there were tears and I was trembling.00:56:47.931 --> 00:56:49.954


And yet I figured out how to face my fears.00:56:49.954 --> 00:56:54.141


I, you know, I went through a lot of things where my mom would ask me constantly why do you think this is happening?00:56:54.141 --> 00:56:55.623


What is God trying to tell you?00:56:55.623 --> 00:56:56.204


What's?00:56:56.204 --> 00:56:57.833


What's the great thing you can take from this?00:56:57.833 --> 00:56:58.576


What's the positive?00:56:58.815 --> 00:57:00.481


I love your mom, my mom, is awesome.00:57:00.481 --> 00:57:01.650


I love your mom.00:57:01.931 --> 00:57:06.980


She is amazing and uh you know, I used to tell everybody I'm a mama's boy and you know, do or die.00:57:06.980 --> 00:57:09.963


And um, she did some amazing things for me.00:57:09.963 --> 00:57:15.976


And it's interesting because I think that most of us make a bigger impact than we think and we don't realize it.00:57:15.976 --> 00:57:16.255


I.00:57:16.255 --> 00:57:18.041


It was a year ago.00:57:18.041 --> 00:57:24.242


I ran into a friend at Lowe's Hardware, you know, and he said, hey, I've been watching your social media.00:57:24.242 --> 00:57:26.474


I had no idea you were battling with depression back then.00:57:26.474 --> 00:57:38.481


I said, yeah, you know, mostly my sophomore year, but my senior year I was elected senior vice president and and he's like I only remember you then and I remember sitting there thinking I wish I had Brick's life.00:57:38.481 --> 00:57:48.021


He's got it all together and I'm like I said you have no idea, I sat there every day looking at you and wishing I had friends as loyal as yours and wishing that I had your life.00:57:48.730 --> 00:57:51.635


We had this interesting conversation about our high school reunions.00:57:51.635 --> 00:57:56.623


Are it's actually attended by more than 30 or 40% of our graduating class?00:57:56.623 --> 00:57:58.614


It's huge attendance.00:57:58.614 --> 00:58:01.896


And he told me he says you don't understand.00:58:01.896 --> 00:58:03.038


We were different.00:58:03.038 --> 00:58:05.664


There wasn't cliques, everybody was inclusive.00:58:05.664 --> 00:58:12.217


And he started talking about like how I empowered that and it completely caught me off guard.00:58:12.217 --> 00:58:17.898


I just thought I was just struggling to get through it and here he is telling me the impact I had.00:58:17.898 --> 00:58:30.239


We don't know it and we don't always get the opportunity to hear that, so maybe if you're out there listening right now and you're wondering am I making an impact, trust me, it's deeper than you can imagine.00:58:31.050 --> 00:58:32.255


Yes, so deep.00:58:32.255 --> 00:58:40.014


I love that you mentioned that, because even us, you know, meeting and me sharing the story we'll never know how many people, but it's a ripple effect.00:58:40.014 --> 00:58:42.001


But when you do, it's like God will plant.00:58:42.001 --> 00:58:43.335


You know, you ran into him in the lows.00:58:43.335 --> 00:58:48.059


He probably needed you to know the impact you are having.00:58:48.059 --> 00:58:49.657


So keep going, keep doing it.00:58:49.710 --> 00:58:58.242


Because I get these little messages now and I say no, they're like oh, thank you, I said I'll receive, you know I'll receive it.00:58:58.242 --> 00:59:11.219


But I'll say but I don't think you understand you saying that to me ignites, keeps that fire going, that I need the energy to keep going and sharing and having guests that can possibly change somebody's life.00:59:11.219 --> 00:59:25.885


On the other end and a lot of times it's for me, because I listen to you and then I'm like, then I'm like, oh, my son, you know I'm seeing little signs there's, there's something deeper and I need to dig more into it, even though I see it.00:59:25.885 --> 00:59:30.335


There's something there, you know, and, um, so there's.00:59:30.335 --> 00:59:34.563


I always get something myself out of having the guest on.00:59:35.213 --> 00:59:36.769


So it's, it's so powerful.00:59:36.769 --> 00:59:39.630


I mean, I'm so glad we got aligned by Tyler Hall.00:59:39.630 --> 00:59:55.255


You know, I knew a little bit about you before coming here, but what you provided me alone was huge and impactful and I will bring that back home to my family and, I have no doubt, the audience as well.00:59:55.255 --> 00:59:57.603


So how can people connect with you?00:59:57.603 --> 01:00:00.333


Cause you said you're a speaker, now you have your book.01:00:00.333 --> 01:00:01.195


How can they?01:00:01.195 --> 01:00:03.201


They can connect with you.01:00:03.751 --> 01:00:07.186


So the amazing thing about having a unique name like mine, brickman Allen.01:00:07.186 --> 01:00:08.831


You Google that and you're just going to find me.01:00:08.831 --> 01:00:12.317


I mean there's no, there's not many Brickman Allens out there, so it's a great name.01:00:12.356 --> 01:00:14.019


It's a perfect, very fitting yes.01:00:14.159 --> 01:00:16.864


So I mean, if you want to find my book, just go to Amazon.01:00:16.864 --> 01:00:23.070


Type Brickman Allen.01:00:23.070 --> 01:00:24.612


You find Google Brickman Allen, you'll find my website.01:00:24.612 --> 01:00:25.454


My Instagram is TheRealBrickman.01:00:25.454 --> 01:00:33.304


More than anything, I think the key is is, if you want to find that life-changing experience, just look right.01:00:33.304 --> 01:00:36.594


If you're not connecting with me, connect with someone, but don't sit there.01:00:36.594 --> 01:00:38.655


Passive Life isn't meant to be passive.01:00:38.655 --> 01:00:41.378


It's meant to be lived and experienced and to be joyful.01:00:41.378 --> 01:00:44.539


If you're not experiencing joy, try to figure it out.01:00:44.539 --> 01:00:46.416


But yeah, those are the great.01:00:46.416 --> 01:00:48.893


The easiest thing is is with a unique name like mine.01:00:48.893 --> 01:00:50.137


Just Google me and you'll find me.01:00:50.257 --> 01:00:50.860


You'll find you.01:00:50.860 --> 01:00:52.251


Oh my gosh, you're incredible like mine.01:00:52.251 --> 01:00:53.032


Just Google me and you'll find me.01:00:53.032 --> 01:00:53.371


You'll find you.01:00:53.371 --> 01:00:54.092


Oh my gosh, you're incredible.01:00:54.092 --> 01:00:55.132


I love that you're saying find joy.01:00:55.132 --> 01:00:56.753


That's one thing that's been coming up.01:00:56.753 --> 01:00:57.094


Is that, okay?01:00:57.094 --> 01:00:57.655


What brings me joy?01:00:57.655 --> 01:00:58.715


Then do that Right.01:00:58.715 --> 01:01:02.818


Make sure you you bring that in as well, you know, in our busy lives and everything.01:01:02.818 --> 01:01:07.342


And and now, when you're, what's your plan for with the kids?01:01:07.342 --> 01:01:21.193


Like, are you still wanting to connect more with the kids or have a program of your own to help kids through bullying or yeah, you know it's really hard.01:01:21.233 --> 01:01:21.713


I've actually done.01:01:21.713 --> 01:01:24.860


I've been doing it for 20 years without charging a dime and I've traveled as far away as Europe to do it.01:01:24.860 --> 01:01:29.615


It's been all pro bono from just my companies providing financial means.01:01:29.615 --> 01:01:34.085


My next step is I'm trying to retire from all of providing financial means.01:01:34.085 --> 01:01:44.018


My next step is I'm trying to retire from all of you know the entrepreneur life and go full-time speaking, not to make a ton of money, but the fact that I know if I'm doing it full-time, I can reach more people.01:01:44.018 --> 01:01:52.710


So I speak, uh, corporations, I speak at, uh you know, big events, trade shows, and then speaking at schools, and really that's the whole.01:01:52.710 --> 01:01:55.592


Focus is trying to get out there and get a message out there.01:01:55.612 --> 01:01:58.759


That'll change, yeah I want you to speak at my kids school.01:01:59.460 --> 01:02:05.460


I'm like oh wow, I want them to hear you and and listen to you and uh, wow, I.01:02:05.460 --> 01:02:20.681


And then I find, though, when you are, you know, going to follow that passion, you say, oh, you, pro bono, but I, god, will somehow provide, you know, even though, cause now you're going to be impacting so many people as well, you continue to and a big plan.01:02:20.681 --> 01:02:21.731


Now I'm curious.01:02:21.731 --> 01:02:24.378


Yeah, I know you're a cowboy, so are you still still?01:02:24.378 --> 01:02:27.431


Still, you know, what are you doing now?01:02:27.731 --> 01:02:29.474


Well, you know it's really tough.01:02:29.474 --> 01:02:32.378


I I've I've had horses on and off throughout my adult life.01:02:32.378 --> 01:02:37.585


Before COVID I was traveling so much and my wife's not into horses.01:02:37.585 --> 01:02:45.708


I had this one horse that got out multiple times and got on the busy road by our house and my wife finally told me if you're going to be traveling, you can't have the horses.01:02:45.708 --> 01:02:46.090


Oh yeah.01:02:46.429 --> 01:02:49.300


I think, that there's a time and place for everything.01:02:49.300 --> 01:02:59.143


I think that when I retire, you know I'll have horses, I'll train, I'll do all those things, but I've kind of put it aside because this is more urgent than my personal passion.01:02:59.143 --> 01:03:03.478


I think that there's power in horses and working with horses.01:03:03.518 --> 01:03:05.702


Yes, I did a therapy with a question.01:03:05.702 --> 01:03:12.597


I went on to Writer's Island and anyways they had horses there and they're like oh, do you want to sign up for a therapy session with a horse?01:03:12.597 --> 01:03:13.701


It was intense.01:03:13.701 --> 01:03:16.097


It was intense.01:03:16.097 --> 01:03:17.432


I the power.01:03:17.432 --> 01:03:26.161


I can't wait to do that with my daughter because she has loved horses since she was young and when we lived in Wasilla, alaska, all our neighbors had horses and she did horse camps and all that.01:03:26.550 --> 01:03:32.663


So I said I need to find that locally for her to do that, because they say they're all heart and they can feel you.01:03:32.663 --> 01:03:35.333


Was it 35 feet?01:03:35.353 --> 01:03:37.965


yeah, is that what it is, the radius you can feel your energy they feel your energy.01:03:37.965 --> 01:03:42.117


Yes, their heartbeat will sync with your heartbeat yes, I did that at the end.01:03:42.137 --> 01:03:45.512


They're like give whatever I needed to let go.01:03:45.512 --> 01:03:50.570


They say give it to the horse and then take on what he's going to give you something.01:03:50.570 --> 01:03:51.271


You know?01:03:51.431 --> 01:03:53.277


yeah, they're, they're amazing.01:03:53.277 --> 01:03:54.440


They teach you so much.01:03:54.440 --> 01:04:01.239


One of my things that I talk about is one of the greatest things these horses taught me was living outside of my own needs.01:04:01.239 --> 01:04:07.659


You ride a horse all day long in the Arizona heat and the first thing you want to do when you get done is you want to go get a drink of water.01:04:07.659 --> 01:04:10.271


But you have to recognize the horse that carried.01:04:10.311 --> 01:04:15.416


You can't go get their own drink of water, especially if you haven't unsaddled them and cared for them and cooled them off.01:04:15.416 --> 01:04:18.378


If they go to the water and just start drinking, they can actually get sick.01:04:18.378 --> 01:04:27.987


So you actually have to say, okay, I'm going to forget about how thirsty I am, I'm going to take care of my horse and make sure that that horse is good and then I'm going to go take care of my needs afterwards.01:04:27.987 --> 01:04:38.856


And it was a big theme in my family and and that's that's when I started talking about live outside.01:04:38.856 --> 01:04:39.539


I talk about that a lot.01:04:39.539 --> 01:04:45.514


Living outside fear limitations, but mostly it's living outside ourselves and seeing the world around us and recognizing that by living outward is when we're truly living yeah, oh, that's beautiful.01:04:45.615 --> 01:04:48.240


well, thank you so much for coming on.01:04:48.240 --> 01:05:01.000


I mean, I feel it was such a we touch on so many things, a powerful, powerful conversation, and, yeah, I can't wait to hear you talk again and see what you're going to do and, most of all, I want you to speak in front of my kids.01:05:01.000 --> 01:05:03.322


I need to hear you speak to them.01:05:03.784 --> 01:05:05.496


Yeah, and anytime just invite me.01:05:05.496 --> 01:05:14.356


I'm happy to come speak at youth groups of all sizes and I really appreciate you having me on with the podcast, so definitely invite me out, I'd love to make that connection.01:05:14.376 --> 01:05:17.010


Yeah, even at my church, At my church actually, I'm gonna yeah.01:05:17.050 --> 01:05:17.471


I'd love to.01:05:17.831 --> 01:05:18.452


That'd be great.01:05:18.452 --> 01:05:19.773


Oh, thank you so much.01:05:19.793 --> 01:05:20.454


Thank you you.