Finding Light After A Parent's Suicide

Grief Through a Child’s Eyes: A Conversation with Sophia and Mateus

Grief looks different when seen through the eyes of a child. When my two children—Sophia (11) and Mateus (9)—sat down to share their experiences of losing their father to suicide three years ago, I thought I was prepared. I wasn’t. What unfolded was a raw, beautiful, and deeply moving conversation filled with wisdom far beyond their years.

Honest Reflections, Unscripted Truth

What made this conversation so powerful was its authenticity. There were no scripts, no prepared answers—just two young hearts opening up about their journey through unimaginable loss. They spoke about their dad with tenderness and warmth, recalling moments that might seem ordinary to others but hold extraordinary meaning for them: rides on the orange Kubota tractor, boogie board carries in Maui waters, a single powerful push on the swing, and his contagious laughter during tickle fights.

These memories, stitched together with emotion and love, reveal the quiet power of storytelling as a form of healing.

Tangible Connections to a Lost Parent

Children process grief differently than adults, and through their reflections, a few themes emerged—starting with the power of tangible connection. Both Sophia and Mateus hold tightly to “Scott Jr.,” a teddy bear they received at the hospital after their father’s passing. Inside it is a thumbprint and heart-shaped bead from their dad. It’s not just a toy—it’s a source of comfort during hard nights and emotional waves.

These physical reminders help ground them in a connection that still feels real.

Signs, Symbols, and Spiritual Presence

Perhaps most remarkable was the way they spoke about their father’s presence even now. Flickering lights. A TV changing channels on its own. A soft, mysterious feeling that he’s nearby. Rather than being scared, they find peace and reassurance in these signs. For them, these moments are not just coincidences—they’re gentle reminders that their dad is still with them in some way.

It’s a spiritual perspective that brings comfort, allowing them to frame their grief not as an end, but as a continued relationship.

Healing Through Animals, Nature, and Movement

Animals have also been powerful healers in their journey. Their dog, Rosebud, had been by their side through the most difficult days. Her passing earlier this year reopened their grief, but it also reminded them how deep love can go. Welcoming a new puppy, Maple, into their lives became a symbol of resilience—an act of choosing love again.

For Sophia, water has become a source of healing. Whether she’s swimming, cold plunging, or simply near the ocean, she says water helps her release the emotions she holds inside. “It’s like giving the feelings back to the water,” she shared. There’s wisdom in that—a natural rhythm to grief, like waves coming and going.

Messages for Other Children Navigating Loss

Perhaps the most profound moments came when they shared advice for other children experiencing loss.

Mateus, with the open faith of a child, said simply:
“God will give you what you need. Keep on praying, keep on believing.”

Sophia added:
“You’re not alone. When you’re sad, don’t push people away—invite them in.”

Their words are reminders that even in sorrow, connection matters most.

Grief as an Ongoing Conversation

Grief doesn’t follow a script or a timeline. It shifts and evolves. In our home, we’ve tried to make space for those shifts by continuing to talk about their dad—celebrating his birthday, honoring the anniversary of his passing, keeping his photos displayed, and sharing stories whenever they want to remember.

We’re learning, together, that grief is not something to “get over.” It’s something we learn to carry, and in many ways, something that can grow alongside healing, connection, and love.

A Testament to the Power of Being Heard

The ability of Sophia and Mateus to articulate their experiences is, in itself, a reflection of the healing they’ve done. Grief that’s given a voice becomes grief that can transform. By speaking their truth, they’re not only processing their own pain—they’re extending a lifeline to others.

Their message is clear:
You are not alone. Your feelings matter. And even in the hardest moments, love and connection are still possible.