A Parent's Toolkit for Helping Children Navigate Grief
Grief shows up in many ways for children. It can be quiet, full of outbursts, or even mixed with unexpected moments of laughter followed by guilt. After my children lost their father to suicide, I had to learn how to support them through emotions that often felt too big for words.
One of the first things I did was find a play therapist. This gave my children a safe place to express themselves through activities like sand play, painting, figurines, or even slime. I stayed in the beginning to help them feel safe, then gave the therapist space to work with them directly. Instead of focusing only on what had happened, the therapist helped them understand what they were feeling in the present and taught them ways to cope.
A project that helped a lot was making memory boxes. We used simple shoeboxes and filled them with items that reminded them of their dad. We included an unwashed shirt that still smelled like him, his deodorant, his snorkeling gear, and fishing lures. These boxes lived under their beds and gave them comfort when they missed him. We also read books like The Invisible Line, which helped them understand that even though their dad was no longer here, his love still connected to them.
Another thing that made a big difference was having a calming space at home. When we returned to Alaska after his death in Maui, some friends had created a cozy corner for us. It had soft blankets, teddy bears, calming lights, and essential oils. They also left emotion cards from Generation Mindful that showed different feelings. For my son, who was only six and struggled to talk about his emotions, these visuals helped a lot. Posters suggested ways to calm down, like hugging a bear, drawing, taking deep breaths, or stretching. That corner became our safe place during the hardest times.
Being honest about how their dad died was important. I explained it in a way they could understand. The hospital suggested I call it a “brain illness.” That helped them see that their dad’s thinking had been affected by mental health struggles and medication. This truth helped prevent the self-blame that often comes with suicide loss. They asked tough questions like, “Was it my fault?” or “Could I have helped him?” We kept the conversation open, so those questions didn’t grow into shame.
Nature played a big part in our healing. We went hiking, camping, swimming, and spent a lot of time outside. It helped us feel grounded when emotions were high. We also tried things like cold plunges, breath work, and sound healing with drums and bowls. These practices helped calm their nervous systems. Around the house, we added affirmations—on the mirrors, on the walls, and even on their underwear from a brand called Pundies. These small reminders helped them feel strong and loved.
Support from others mattered more than I can say. Friends stepped in for school events like father-daughter dances and father-son outings. They took my kids on special outings and helped fill that missing space. We also got each child a dog, and those dogs brought so much joy. My son called his dog a “big ball of good energy,” always there when he was sad.
Looking back, I see how important it is to teach kids emotional tools while they’re still young. Instead of waiting for them to grow up and heal their inner child, we can support them now. They can learn how to name their feelings, understand what they need, and choose healthy ways to cope.
Grief doesn’t end. It will return during big life moments like graduations and weddings. But with the right tools, our children can face those waves with more strength, confidence, and peace.
